President Lindsey Graham Doesn't Need First Lady, Hos Can Just Take Turns

Confirmed bachelor and official ladies' man Sen. Lindsey Graham, who is under the impression he is running for president, got asked a real tough question Tuesday: Hey, since you don't have a pretty, doting wife, who will be the First Lady of America when you are president? Graham's answer was very bad! No for serious, this is what he said, to the Daily Mail:

'Well, I've got a sister, she could play that role if necessary.'

Chuckling, he added: 'I've got a lot of friends. We'll have a rotating first lady.'

LINE STARTS HERE, at Graham's svelte buttocks. Does each lady (excluding his sister, GROSS) get to experience the hot presidential lovin' we are certain will be the hallmark of the Graham White House? MAYBE!

Clearly, this should be a game show, we hope the producers of "So You Think You Can Dance Like A Fifth Grade Idol" are paying attention! It could be called "So You Think You Can Be One Of President Graham's Beards Bitches," and it will be hosted by Julie Chen from "Big Brother," because why not, she likes competition-type shows. Let's find some contestants!

MEGHAN MCCAIN could do it, if she wanted to, she's probably not busy.

BRISTOL PALIN is an obvious choice, because she's newly single, and because all her moneys from whatever the last fame whore thing she did is are probably starting to run out, so it's time to strap on the old reality teevee feed bag.

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DANA PERINO and ANDREA TANTAROS from Fox News, for no reason. No reason at all. Andrea Tantaros will be wearing a bikini, and Dana Perino's husband will not be around, because he will get arrested.

JOE LIEBERMAN WEARING A FRENCH MAID'S OUTFIT, because Lieberman is already one of Graham's best pals, and Graham will find him alarmingly sexy in that outfit.

CAITLYN JENNER, because she is a Republican (bad Caitlyn!) and Lindsey Graham said she should vote for him anyway! Sadface, though, she's given no indication that she's interested in dating men.

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Spoiler alert: Meghan McCain and Bristol Palin will form an alliance, assuming "Hey, we are very smart young women, we can best those old bitches," but Lieberman and Jenner will ALSO form an alliance, which will cause Bristol to go home shamed in the first round, to "do abstinence" with some new dick probably, and Meghan will soon follow. Perino and Tantaros, still unsure as to how they ended up on this television program, will outlast the young ones, but will eventually go home, for being Basic Bitches.

This will leave Caitlyn Jenner and Slutty Joe Lieberman. Jenner will technically win the contest, but will decline to accept Graham's rose, upon remembering that she did not sign up for this and does not give a fuck. This will make Lieberman the winner by default (for the first time in a long time hahaha). However, he will not keep his crown, for, in a last-minute surprise twist ending, John McCain, having just awakened from a FIVE AND A HALF YEAR-long nap, will parachute in screaming things like "WALNUTS IS YOUR REAL DADDY!" and "WALNUTS WILL LIVE IN THE WHITE HOUSE, EVEN IF HE HAS TO GAY MARRY A MAN!" and Lindsey Graham will realize that it's true, McCain is his real dad, and gay marriage might not be that bad if he gets to marry his old buddy WALNUTS!

And that is how Lindsey Graham will become the first gay president of America. Now just watch history unfold.

[Daily Mail viaPolitico]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.


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