President Makes CIA Stop Abu Ghraibing Everyone
Sort of. Maybe. The President signed an Executive Order today telling the CIA to stop doing all the torture that the White House told them to do to fight terror just like the guy on the TV. The order forbids "sexual or sexually indecent acts undertaken for the purpose of humiliation, forcing the individual to perform sexual acts or to pose sexually, threatening the individual with sexual mutilation, or using the individual as a human shield," or "sexytime." Also you are no longer to flush comically undersized Korans down comically large toilets.
Bush signed this order because the Supreme Court keeps threatening to take away his right to treat random losers in Guantanamo any way he wants to, and it doesn't look like Congress will be authorizing torture any time soon either.
The CIA will continue waterboarding the shit out of suspected wrong-thinkers because literally no one can stop them.