Thursday, the Supreme Court ruled, YET AGAIN, that Obamacare is just fine and dandy and great, even if Congress did a really bad job of making all their subjects and verbs agree when they wrote the damn thing. So can we please stop talking about this now? One person who does not want to stop talking about it is President Obama, who decided to ride around the White House lawn on his victory steed, alternately shouting things like "Suck it so hard, haters!" and "I am the best at Presidenting!" and "Look, Michelle, no hands!"

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Okay, fine, those were not his exact quotes. But these are:

"Today, after more than 50 votes in Congress to repeal or weaken this law, after a presidential election based in part on preserving or repealing this law, after multiple challenges to this law before the Supreme Court, the Affordable Care Act is here to say."

Obama said that if these dumbass wingnuts had succeeded at the Supreme Court:

Millions of Americans would have had thousands of dollars worth of tax credits taken from them. For many insurance would have become unaffordable again. Many would have become uninsured again. Ultimately everyone's premiums could have gone up. America would have gone backwards and that's not what we do. ... We move forward.

The president then went through a litany of the Nice Time parts of Obamacare that are here to stay, because shut up Republicans, that's why. Parents can keep their kids on their insurance up to age 26! Olds and disableds get discounts on their prescriptions! Ladies don't have to pay a lady tax on healthcare, just for being ladies! Preventative care! No more being denied for preexisting conditions! YEAH, Mr. President. You show those wingnuts on the doll where you just BEAT THEIR ASS.

But there's more!

More than 16 million uninsured Americans have gained coverage so far. Nearly 1 in 3 Americans who was uninsured a few years ago is insured today. The uninsured rate in America is the lowest since we began to keep records. ... This is not a set of political talking points. This is reality.

BURN! And what about those wingnuts who don't like it? Bless their hearts:

"Across the country there remain people who are directly benefiting from the law but don't even know it. And that's okay. There's no card that says Obamacare when you enroll. But that's by design."

Haha, take THAT wingnuts, you are getting caressed by the sweet hands of Obamacare and you don't even KNOW IT.

Obama closed by saying that he is going to keep on cramming Obamacare down your throats, so that you don't die, even if you never stop complaining long enough to say thank you.

Enjoy LIFE, assholes.


Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.


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