Meow Hiss Claws Out For Rudy Giuliani!

Don't worry, kids, Rudy's not about to get fired from his pro bono White House gig. Maggie Haberman swears that Counselor Cognac's job is safe, and you'll be seeing his improv act on your teevee screen for the next two years. PTL! And also, MEEE-OWWW, the claws are out this week in Trumpland.

Politico reports the president is "apoplectic" about Rudy Giuliani's recent string of media gaffes, where he appeared to admit that there might have been Russian collusion in the 2016 presidential campaign, that Trump was in negotiations to build the Trump Tower Moscow up through election day, and that Donald Trump coached Michael Cohen on his congressional testimony.

Asked who in the White House is responsible for handling Giuliani's missteps, a White House aide said, "Handling Rudy's f--- ups takes more than one man."

BREAKING: Someone at the White House is actually trying to handle Rudy's fuckups! Someone who's about to quitfired, we're guessing.

Giuliani tells Politico that he and Trump are BFFs -- "I haven't heard him complain" -- and all those haters are just jealous because they can't law good like Uncle Rudy.

He also dismissed talk that he doesn't grasp the facts. "I do have a mastery of the facts, which is why I can spin them honestly, argue them several different ways," Giuliani said.

Which is fair encapsulation of what lawyers do. But most of them have an editor between their brains and their mouths that tells them to STOP TALKING FOR THE LOVE OF GOD.

In Rudy's defense, the AP points out that his client is an illiterate moron who couldn't tell the truth if he tried -- which he doesn't.

Part of his confusion is that while Giuliani frequently speaks to his client, the president's legal team has had a difficult time corralling Trump for a lengthy debriefing about the facts of the case, particularly from events stemming before the presidency, according to one official and a Republican close to the White House.

He's being sent out to serve up great helpings of chicken shit, while swearing it's delicious chicken salad. It's not entirely his fault if no one wants to swallow it.

In a rare moment of good judgment (thanks, super blood wolf moon!), Jared and Vanky are urging a course correction. If only they hadn't promised that Democrats would be thrilled if Comey got the boot. And that firing Flynn would end the Russia investigation. And that shutdowns are good and easy to win. And that the furor over the Saudis murdering Jamal Khashoggi would blow over in a couple of days. And ... anyway, Trump is ignoring them. Vanity Fair reports:

Trump is being encouraged by several people, including Ivanka Trump and Jared Kushner, to dump Giuliani before it's too late, while outside advisers Corey Lewandowski and Dave Bossie are lobbying Trump to keep Giuliani. "Trump is screaming. He's so mad at Rudy," one of the sources said.

Have we mentioned that we think THERE IS NO PLAN? We have.

Despite the shutdown, the Unknown Leaker (we're sure there's just the one!) has been working overtime, telling the AP that Rudy needs to quit doing media hits from the bar stool.

Some of Trump's allies have suggested that Giuliani be barred from evening interviews because of concerns that he was going on TV after drinking, according to three Republicans close to the White House.

Giuliani has previously insisted he does not have an issue with drinking, denying to Politico last May that it affected his interviews. He added: "I may have a drink for dinner. I like to drink with cigars."

Mmmm hmmm. Seems to be a lot of that going around in Washington these days.

But if Sam "Let Him Arrest Me" Nunberg is saying you need to rein it in, it might be time to lay off the sauce.

"Rudy had done a very good job going on TV and fighting back and laying down a defense of the president," said Sam Nunberg, a former Trump campaign official. "But now it's time to get precise, you can't be so loose anymore. He had a major slip."

Ya think?

In summation, truth isn't truth, I shouldn't have said tapes, and Trump never personally hacked the DNC. I rest my case, your Honor.

[AP / Vanity Fair / Politico]

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Liz Dye

Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.


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