Pretty Disturbing Things That Happened In Ancient Mesopotamia. Tabs, Fri., May 15, 2020

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Tabs gifs by your friend Martini Ambassador!

Sure fine whatever who cares.

Which wedding planning outfits are getting multimillion-dollar USDA food bank contracts today? (Politico)

Hmmm, it seems that — might want to hold on — corporations may not have been acting fiscally responsibly! (Washington Post)

"Though it's true that the pandemic has brought the world to its knees, it also has the power to bring us together, and in little, unseen ways it can even make us billions more dollars than we were making before. Hey, that's pretty cool. There are miracles like that everywhere if you just look out for them. Helpful reminders that maybe, just maybe, I'll all get through this together." Now Is The Time To Cherish The Little Things, By Jeff Bezos. (Not Jeff Bezos, at The New Yorker)


The Michigan legislature shut down because of the *perfectly legal* armed stochastic terrorists. So that's something to think about! — Daily Beast

Here, have some groups helping women who give birth in prison. (The American Prospect)

Wahleah Johns writes about the need to invest in the Navajo Nation (and all the others). They have no water, no electricity, while oil, coal, and uranium are sucked from their land, sickening them. They have 80 miles of Colorado River, and no water. They revere their elders, who root them to the earth. They don't sacrifice them. — New York Times

The Federalist has different thoughts on Native Americans, and it is that they were the slaver torture bad guys, yikes the Federalist!

"Like the greatest generation, we owe it to our nation to face danger bravely," [Federalist executive editor Joy] Pullmann wrote. "Our ancestors risked much worse to give us the best country in the world: cholera outbreaks, amputations without anesthesia, hand-to-paw combat with bears and panthers, natives who ruled territory through slavery and torture, establishing homes in a forbidding wilderness amid outbreaks of starvation and disease, volunteering to fight from poisoned foxholes, perilous trips in rickety ships across a dark ocean."

Anyway, this isn't actually about the bad slaver Native Americans (yikes the Federalist!), it's TPM writing about the Federalist's death cult. (Talking Points Memo)

Speaking of horrible racism, here is "Rosedale Way," an old Bill Moyers special about little African American children moving to a white neighborhood and Jesus Christ white people. Good luck watching it. I made it through what I assume's the worst clip. (Full version at Bill Moyers)

Dr. Jekyll or Mr. Biden? A long read (so long) on Biden's internal struggles between insider conciliation and a new acknowledgement of the need for progressive reforms as well as what's going on in personnel, who, we remind you, are policy. — David Dayen at The American Prospect

This is a cute fucking baby.

Eight ways to masturbate without a vibrator. Cosmo! Not afraid to be servicey! And commenters, just let this one go, okay? Everybody knows, you'll be in your bunk.

Suck it, coal, pansy-ass renewables about to let you eat their dust. (New York Times)

Guess who's coming to live with Grandma again??? (Now THAT's a cute fucking baby! Oh and her dad's coming too :D )

Someone's in the kitchen with Lula!

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Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.

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