'Priests For Life' Says We're Gonna Be All Eated Up By Racist Pervert Sex Dragon Thing
So here's a nifty explanation of why America is in so much trouble these days: Our Once-Great Nation is under attack by a three-headed sex dragon that is also a racist, according to "Priests For Life," a radical Catholic anti-abortion group whose top spokeslady is Martin Luther King's embarrassing niece Alveda King. And the group has this simple graphic, employing a picture swiped from a videogame to explain the unholy trinity of affronts to God's commandment that we all go and make as many babies as possible, but only in straight Christian marriages, of course.
In a very important press release, Ms. King explains how this big old bigot dragon is ruining America, and of course it's all part of the publicity for the latest video from the "Center for Medical Progress," which is not fake at all and definitely proves that Planned Parenthood is running a baby-parts eBay that rakes in obscene amounts of money from dismembering children -- maybe YOUR CHILDREN!!!!!!!
In the press release, King explains that there's a direct connection between the 'bortion videos and the rise of Real Actual Devil Worshipers In America, because she thinks the Establishment Clause political theater group The Satanic Temple is sincerely worshiping a real Devil. King is appropriately horrified at these literal Satanists:
In a news flash, a devil-worshipping group calling itself the Satanic Temple is raising funds to promote abortion-on-demand to counter legal efforts such as the Pain-Capable Unborn Child Protection Act and 20-week abortion bans. A highly publicized ceremonial unveiling of a satanic figure, an event billed as the "largest public satanic ceremony in history," sold $25 and $75 tickets, the proceeds of which will be used to support the reproductive rights legal action fund. Why connect the two? It's a three-headed demonic force.
We really like her "explanation" of why the Satanic Temple's activist trolling is connected to the Planned Parenthood videos: She links to the above picture, which tells us to beware of the big green dragon that sits on your doorstep and eats little boys, puppy dog tails, and big fat snails! Duh, what part of that don't you understand? Satan is a racist lizard who is against race-mixing (never mind that the most vociferous defenders of anti-miscegenation laws were always "Christians" who had bible verses against race-mixing at the ready; those were all no true Christians and besides, it was a long time ago anyway). And the links between abortion, contraception, porn, incest, and homosexuality are just obvious, because look at how those two different heads are growing out of the same creature. If you can't understand that, you are a pretty stupid person.
Bad borrowings of mythological critters aside, we suppose it might also be worth noting that, for all her constant reminders that she's the niece of Martin Luther King, Alveda's insistence that Planned Parenthood is out to do genocide to African-Americans is undercut, just a little bit maybe, by the inconvenient detail that Uncle Martin actually accepted a "Margaret Sanger Award" award from Planned Parenthood, and was an enthusiastic advocate for family planning and contraception as far back as 1957, when he wrote in an advice column for Ebony that there's nothing sinful about birth control, and that smaller families are one way of improving black families' economic status:
I do not think it is correct to argue that birth control is sinful. It is a serious mistake to suppose that it is a religious act to allow nature to have its way in the sex life. The truth is that the natural order is given us, not as an absolute finality, but as something to be guided and controlled.
Oh dear. Alveda's going to have to admit that her uncle, Martin Luther King, stood in direct opposition to God's commandment to make a lot of babies. Or maybe she'll just ignore it, because that's really inconvenient, isn't it?
Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.