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Prince Harry To Unsheath His Mighty Sword

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Hear Ye! Hear Ye! His Royal Highness Prince Henry Charles Albert David of Wales, better known as Prince Harry Hardcock, has decided to lead his kingdom's Christian knights in battle against the heathen Pathan.


Harry, last seen cavorting with nymphs and maidens in the fabled pleasure domes of Las Vegas, has taken vows as a Crusader despite some opposition amongst Her Britannic Majesty's courtiers, who fear the third in line for the Imperial throne might be killed, mutilated, or worse, caught pantsless in some Emir's seraglio. A previous foray upon the field of battle was cut short after members of the United Kingdom's royal fellowship of heralds and criers published newes of the blood royal's whereabouts in dark Afghanistan.

Nothing daunted, the prince will again mount his duraluminium steed and set forth to slay the unbelievers, armed only with his strong right arm and his abiding faith in our Lord Jesus Christ. Plus Sidewinder and Hellfire missiles, 70mm Hydra 70 rockets and a 30mm auto-cannon.

Your humble correspondent believes that Harry's greatest weapon (ha!) is the British Army's sensible attitude toward the use of intoxicants as a morale-builder and battlefield stress reliever. We personally sought out any and all contact with British troops when we were Down Range, and may have even sneaked into one or more of their pubs, despite dire warnings of punishment for same. The Taliban and American troops are twins in their shunning of the demon rum, which is why the terrorists have already won.

The Queen is said to be pleased about her grandson's heroic leadership, mainly because it decreases the odds of any royal bastards popping up for the next six months or so. [CNN]

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Roger Stone, you got some 'splainin' to do, Mister! Remember all those times Stone swore on his Nixon tattoo that he never had any contact with Russians, wasn't a campaign surrogate, and wasn't tipped off to stolen DNC emails in advance? Like that time he told the Washington Post:

"I've never been to Russia. I didn't talk to anybody who was identifiably Russian during the two-year run-up to this campaign," he said. "I very definitely can't think of anybody who might have been a Russian without my knowledge. It's a canard."

Stone told the House Intelligence Committee the same thing last September, but, LOL FUNNY STORY! Seems that Stone just plum forgot about that time in May, 2016 when Trump communications advisor Michael Caputo asked him to meet with Henry Greenberg, "a man with a Make America Great Again hat and a viscous Russian accent." The Washington Post reports, Greenberg was offering sexxxxy Russian dirts on Hillary Clinton, which Stone and Caputo were only too happy to grab by the pussy. But they just couldn't get there!

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Congressman Beto O'Rourke, who hopes to replace Ted Cruz in the US Senate this fall, is one of several Texas and El Paso leaders participating in a march to the just-opened tent city at the US/Mexico border in Tornillo, Texas, where children have already been imprisoned "placed."

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