'Public Option' Sends Out Terrifying E-mail, With Demands


As if the somewhat nebulous nature of the term "public option" hadn't already scared enough of America's dumbest and most selfish specimens into frothy, (oftentimes!) racist, gun-toting, hysterical Mall-marching under the command of some autistic clown from the Fox News television channel, certain Democrats -- or at least a certain "MoveOn.org" communist outfit -- have adopted a new, humanizing approach towards the demystification of this basic legislative proposal: They have sent out e-mails FROM the Public Option itself. "Hi, I'm the public health insurance option," this demented treatise opens. If your white grandmotherever sees this e-mail, she will *not* be easily calmed down. "MAH GAWD MAH GAWD THEM PUBLIC NEGROES IS AWN MAH AOL MACHINE! QUICKY NOW, WHAR'S MY COLORED-BEATIN' CANE AT, FOR SMASHIN."

Has a single gimmicky, annoying mass e-mail ever tempted you to strongly oppose a legislative proposal that you were completely gay about beforehand?

From: The public option

Date: Wed, Sep 23, 2009 at 3:58 PM

Subject: Sen. Schumer

To: ________

Hi, I'm the public option, and I need your help. Can you call Sen. Schumer to thank him for his support and urge him to keep fighting against the "trigger" proposal?

Senator Charles Schumer

Phone: 202-224-6542

Can you believe this? This little bitch doesn't want us to just sign another worthless petition or whatever, it wants us to call Chuck Schumer and blow him over the phone. Are we supposed to give rimjobs to Jay Rockefeller after that? Who does this MONSTER think (s)he is?

Hi, I'm the public health insurance option.

People have been saying all sorts of untrue things about me lately, so I decided it was time to stand up and set the record straight.

First off: the reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated. I'm happy and healthy. And I'm proud to play a starring role in four of the five health reform bills currently on the table.

Second: I have a lot of friends. President Obama and House Speaker Nancy Pelosi support me—as do 77% of the American people.1 In fact, I'm feeling pretty popular.

But there is one area where I could use your help. Your senator, Charles Schumer, sits on the Senate Finance Committee, which is considering a "trigger" proposal that could kill me through indefinite delay.

Sen. Schumer is a strong supporter of the public health insurance option. Can you call to thank him and urge him to keep fighting against the "trigger" proposal?

Here's where to call:

Senator Charles Schumer

Phone: 202-224-6542

A "trigger" that would make me wait to become available is just a trap designed to kill me.

UGH. Don't make the public option a human, because we tend to hate humans!


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