There Are So Many Bad QAnon Music Videos On YouTube. Let's Rate Them!
If there is anything a good political movement needs, it is a soundtrack. From Woody Guthrie to Stevie Wonder to Bikini Kill ... hell, even the Nazis had Wagner. It's only natural that the idiots who believe in all that QAnon shit would try to create some rockin' anthems that can be played in the background of future movies about their valiant quest to interpret a bunch of messages dumped by some LARPer on 4chan, like how they play Creedence Clearwater Revival in the background of every movie about Vietnam.
Alas, none have had their big break yet. Either because the music industry is a part of the whole conspiracy, or because they lack musical talent. One of the two. But that hasn't stopped them from at least trying. In fact, there are a whole bunch of QAnon songs on the YouTube. Let's take a look!
1. QAnon -- Ziplok
Can this person rap? Doesn't seem like it! But I have to admit, the "QAnon Do Your Research" hook is a little catchy, which slightly makes up for the total lack of rhythm and bad singing, but not enough. I give it a 1/10.
2. The Calm Before The Storm -- Larz Kaos
So this is mostly just the karaoke version of The Doors' "Riders on the Storm" but with that English accent robot voice that all the conspiracy geniuses use in their two-hour-long videos to make it seem like they're very fancy British professors doing "spoken word" about QAnon over it ... followed by a cigar-smoking Pepe the Frog watching YouTube videos of QAnon patriots do their thing.
Points for meta...ness? I give it a 3/10.
3. QAnon Anthem -- Sway Guevera
This one was particularly hard to listen to, on account of all the 1980s videogame beeping going on in the background. Still, this Sway Guevera has a better sense of rhythm than Ziplok up there, and also a cooler name, so 2/10.
4. Q Anon Phenomenon -- Sage Wanderer
Our first face! And our first musical instrument! Way to go, Sage Wanderer. I am particularly fond of the line "Snow White and the Seven Dwarves, are causing secret info wars, Godfather III is hiding sacred cluuuuuuueeees." Which, to be fair, would do a lot to explain the existence of Godfather III. I give it a solid 9/10, mostly because it reminded me that I should totally ditch a few of my ukuleles, buy a banjo and get my Emily Saliers on. Can't wait to check out his other work!
5. QAnon Song -- Ordo Novo
Oh hey, another robot voice song, except this one appears to be done over some kind of Casio keyboard samba tune? Best line -- "There are no coincidences, not on planet earth. When the future proves the past, with a preview of the purge." I mean, I have no idea what that means, but they get half a point for trying to rhyme earth and purge. 1.5/10
6. QAnon The Ballad -- DocRock1007
Another patriot who's not afraid to show his face, or his voice, even though he doesn't seem to have much rhythm and keeps tripping over his words and does not appear to be very good at playing the guitar for a man who considers himself a doctor of rock. Clever words, too, like "When the breadcrumbs fall, where we go one we go all." 7/10
7. WWG1WGA Chant -- War Drummer
Honestly, this is the only one I could not listen to all the way through. I don't even know what kind of musical category it belongs in. It's like, metal but also new wave? It's very bad. It may be the worst song ever. -5/10, and that's on a bell curve, just for songs about QAnon, on YouTube. It says a lot about these people though that with 28,000 views, this one actually has more views than any other of the QAnon songs I've looked at today.
8. MAGA Oddity -- Yung Pugg
So ... for this one, someone who cannot sing sang "Space Oddity" by David Bowie, but with lyrics about Donald Trump and QAnon. That's ... something, I guess. I like the sparkly space pictures of Alex Jones with Trump's face flying in the background though, so 4/10.
9. Do You Know Q? -- Dane Lee
Well. Um. This shirt-free (naked? He could be naked, we don't know) guy can actually play the instrument that he is holding, so ALL THE POINTS. He also has a jaunty hat.
What's better though is his 40-second rant about fast food restaurants asking for his name, which could very well be just another way the deep state is trying to thwart the bakers. Seriously, it is my new favorite thing ever right now. It escalates quickly. This man fascinates me. So 9/10
10. Search the Word "Q" -- The Hiplomats, with philosophic "rock poet," L.A. Cowboy
Oh WOW. This is really something. It's also weirdly well-produced, comparatively, and includes a fancy 1980s-style sax solo. I actually don't even hate it, apart from the words in the song being incredibly ridiculous, although at this point it is totally possible that my ears are just dead. According to a tweet from this L.A. Cowboy fella, also known as J. Frederick Millea,
An anonymous group of L.A.'s FINEST musicians, the Hiplomats, fed up with Hollyweird & the vile entertainment industry perform new rock anthem for the Great Awakening, to rally faithful & red pill the rest. We made noise-BOOM!
Sadly for him, and the fact that he appears to tweet out links to the video every few hours, it still only has like 2.5K views. Poor L.A. Cowboy. It sure isn't easy being a conspiracy theorist rock poet these days. 10/10, friends, 10/10.
Which one is YOUR favorite? Let us know in the comments.
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Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. In addition to her work at Wonkette, she also has a biweekly column at Dame. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse