Thanks for the past eight years, Ralph!First, plans were made for the Republican convention in St. Paul during the first week of September, at the Xcel Center, starring John "Oh him" McCain. Then, wacky freedom-fighter Ron Paul and his Campaign for Literacy anounced a Paultard rally, a weeklong thing that would also take place during the first week of September, but at the Pepsi Center in Minneapolis. Oh and there's also a socialist May Day rally of some kind, which we only know about because hey, free Steve Earle concert. But also: dirty hippies and laborists. And today we learn Ralph "Malph" Nader is having his secret rally in Minneapolis, too.

Basically, the "Twin Cities" are going to be filled with so many bathroom goblins, hobbits, stinkies and plain assholes that physicists from the new CERN superconductor in Switzerland are expecting an "event horizon" that will cause all the comets and meteors in the universe to plunge into Minnesota and finally, dearly beloved, end this thing called life.

From the press release just emailed to Wonkette Corporate Political Headquarters:


WHAT: "Open the Debates" Nader/Gonzalez Super Rally

WHEN: 7:30 p.m., Thursday, Sept. 4

WHERE: Orchestra Hall

1111 Nicollet Mall, Minneapolis, MN 55403

(202) ___-____ or

Donation: $10 in advance; $12 at the door

At 7:30 p.m. on Thursday, Sept. 4, during the Republican National Convention, the Nader/Gonzalez Campaign will be holding a Super Rally in Minneapolis at the Orchestra Hall. (Check out our new Nader/Gonzalez video promoting our rallies here.)

The rally will be a call to action for opening the presidential debates.

During his 2000 campaign, Ralph Nader drew sellout crowds to super rallies in arenas from Portland's Memorial Coliseum to Madison Square Garden.

After the election, the PBS NewsHour's Mark Shields called the Nader Super Rallies "the most exciting political development of the campaign year."

Huh, a lot sure changes in eight years. Like, is Mark Shields even alive, still? And wasn't that Portland thing really just a free concert by the Decemberists?

Anyway, somebody tell Barack Obama and Bob Barr that they better schedule a "Shadow Convention" in Minneapolis/St. Paul, too. Also, there should be a traveling Joint Session of Congress. And then Putin can nuke the Twin Cities and America can start to heal.


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