Rand Paul Does Not Care For Impertinent Reporter's Questions, Is Kind Of A Dick About It

Rand Paul Does Not Care For Impertinent Reporter's Questions, Is Kind Of A Dick About It

The human-shaped null set that is Sen. Rand Paul of Kentucky took his talent for being a whiny dick to CNBC on Monday afternoon for an interview that made him look like a cross between Michele Bachmann and an angry furby. You knew things were not going to go well when anchorperson Kelly Evans started off by asking Paul if he had really just told incandescent rage ball Laura Ingraham that most vaccines “ought to be voluntary.”

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To which the senator, showing that even-keeled temperament that will make him an appealing presidential candidate to approximately four of America’s eligible voters, responded:

Well I guess being for freedom would be really unusual. I don’t understand the point why that would be controversial.

Well, because “duh, freedom!” is perhaps not always the appropriate response to every question anyone ever asks you, be it a query about your position on the 1964 Civil Rights Act, why you take issue with low-flow toilets, or whether parents should compromise public health because they place more belief in a former Playmate of the Month than in actual science.

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Evans brought up the current debate over vaccines in light of the recent measles outbreak connected to Disneyland. Paul proclaimed himself a big fan of vaccines, but again, duh, freedom!

I think public awareness of how good vaccines are for kids and how they are good for public health is a great idea…But I don’t think there’s anything extraordinary about resorting to freedom.

Paul then babbled for a minute about how he doesn’t like the government telling him when he should give his newborn kids vaccines and had theirs staggered over several months because:

I’ve heard of many tragic cases of walking, talking, normal children who wound up with profound mental disorders after vaccines.

Have you, Rand Paul? Or are you maybe confusing a theoretical, never-happened event with the time you smoked a little dope and watched a SyFy original low-budget movie?

Basically Rand Paul thinks vaccines are a great idea and kids should get them. He just doesn’t think they should have to get vaccines based on the schedule suggested by some namby-pamby scientists or so-called medical professionals if parents are afraid the vaccines will turn their kids into drooling idiots overnight. And also, duh, freedom!

Leaving alone the opportunity to ask Rand Paul if he had specific examples of vaccines turning normal children into Lenny from Of Mice and Men, Evans asked the senator about a bill he is proposing along with Sen. Barbara Boxer for a one-time corporate tax holiday to try to recapture some tax revenue that companies have managed to avoid paying the Treasury by keeping their profits offshore. Paul disagrees with the premise of the question and Kelly’s assumption about the effectiveness about such holidays. Which is fine! Perhaps he could have avoided the insulting mansplaining and the moment where he actually shushed Evans by putting his finger to his lips and saying “Shhhh.”

Silly woman, getting all excited and needing to be shushed. Had Paul broken into Dr. Evil’s entire “shhhh” routine, we would not have been surprised.

After a question about his proposal to audit the Fed, Evans finished up by asking Paul to comment on a Washington Post story that examined the infamous story about his forming his own certification board for ophthalmologists. The senator, who cannot answer simple and routine questions from the press corps without turning into a prickly and snarling meatbag, made the whole scheme sound much more heroic than the Post indicated it was and criticized Evans for being a reporter who dared to ask questions.

Can’t wait for the primaries. The national press is going to eat him alive and use his intestines to floss him out of its teeth.

Finally, Evans closed by asking about Paul’s plans for 2016, to which the walking sack of condescension answered:

We’re thinking about it…Part of the problem is that you end up having interviews like this where the interview is so slanted and so full of distortions that you don’t get useful information…if we do this again, you need to try to start out with a little more objectivity going into the interview.

By this point, Evans was falling all over herself apologizing for pissing off Rand Paul. No! No, Kelly Evans! Don’t apologize for doing your job! If Rand Paul can’t handle tough questions without resorting to being a dick, that’s not your problem! You get in there and call him out on his bullshit!

Somewhere, the braying hyenas who cover election politics are gearing up for 2016, when they will fall on Rand Paul and tear him limb from limb, then crap him out in little piles on national television every night. It’s going to be soul-crushingly fun.



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