Rand Paul: If John Roberts Loves Obamacare So Much, He Should Gay Marry It


We are just over a week from Obamacare officially kicking off the apocalypse and destroying our freedoms and Holocausting America and blah blah frickin' blah, and we are already looking forward to cashing in our sweet, sweet government socialized Marxist Hitlerized medicine because we are SO SICK of all the equine manure Republicans have been projectile vomiting from their faces about Obamacare. We cannot wait until Oct. 1, just so we can say, "See, the world did NOT end, we just got slightly lower health insurance premiums and slightly expanded coverage, now STFU forever!"

Republicans continue to grow ever more desperate to convince Americans they do not want those slightly lower premiums, or that slightly expanded coverage, or the freedom -- hey, freedom! -- to insure their deadbeat college grad kids who can't find a job in this economy on account of how Republicans basiscally first-degree murdered it with wars and tax cuts, gee thanks. And that is why we are being treated to the non-stop, totally-reasonable-if-you-are-a-crazy-person suggestions like shutting down the entire U.S. of America government in order to defund Obamacare, or bombing Obamacare instead of Syria, or making Supreme Court Justice John Roberts marry it if he loves it so much. Oh yes. Here, Sen. Rand "Spawn o' Ron" Paul will 'splain it at you:

"I think Congress should never exempt themselves from a law," Paul said. "But then again, I think John Roberts, you know, he loves Obamacare so much. He should get it. [...]

He's not part of Obamacare," he said. "So he makes the rest of America, through I think convoluted constitutional logic, he makes us get Obamacare but he's exempt. So I have an amendment that I will introduce that we have written up and we will introduce that says all the federal government gets Obamacare, including federal employees and including John Roberts."

Do we even have to do this? Probably not, because you, dear readers, are smarter than a senator, but oh well, let's just break this mother done anyway.

See, Obamacare allows people who do not have health insurance to acquire health insurance through the magic of legislation that was passed by Congress and thumbs-upped by the Supreme Court. If you already have health insurance through your employer, good for you! Carry on! If you do not have health insurance through your employer, guess what? Now you can get some! That way, if you get sick, you do not have to die penniless from lack of access to health care -- like, oh, say, this one dude who worked for Rand Paul's dad that one time.

Obamacare is not about how much you love it and want to marry it and have all its gaybies. It's not about the Supreme Court making you do anything. It's just a way for all those Americans who have no way of getting their hands on health insurance to, you know, do that. Which wasn't a problem back when it was the Heritage Foundation's idea. But now that Obama's name is on it, Republicans hate it and hate anyone who doesn't hate it, and they think they've figured out a really super duper clever way of making some kind of point -- we are not sure what kind, but there's a point in there somewhere maybe. They will try to amend Obamacare SO HARD until it is a plan in which all Americans must participate, which makes them even dumber than they look because that starts to sound little bit like that universal health care some of us bleeding heart fascist marxist commie tree-hugging latte-sippers were arguing for to begin with.

Checkmate, assholes.



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