Rand Paul Really Loves Mitch McConnell, Says Mitch McConnell
This video right here is Mitch McConnell's first ad of the new campaign year, and Mitch McConnell, who does not say a word in the ad, would like you to know that Kentucky's junior Senator, Rand Paul, thinks he's the bees knees. Yes, this appears to be our second toe-sucking story of the day.
The ad appears to be from the same crescendo-addicted agency that has produced previous masterpieces, including that one that supposedly got a million pageviews in one day, at least from robots. It features many shots of McConnell looking serious and chelonian, while Rand Paul -- who's far more popular in Kentucky than McConnell is -- says that Mitch McConnell is the kindest bravest warmest most wonderful human being he's ever known:
"What he has done and what allows him to be the most powerful Republican up there is that he can pull people together," Paul said in the ad.
You know how Mitch pulls people together -- like that douchey campaign manager, Jesse Benton, who was caught on a leaked recording of a phone call saying he was just putting in time working for McConnell until Rand Paul can run for Preznit:
“Between you and me, I’m sorta holding my nose for two years … ’cause what we’re doing here is gonna be a big benefit to Rand in ’16.”
On the other hand, Benton is still working for McConnell, so maybe there is something to that "pulling people together" stuff!
The new ad also features another guy who "stands united" with Mitch, Kentucky Agriculture Commissioner James Comer, who we assume must be wildly popular with Kentuckians with that rockstar presence of his.
Oh, yes, and because this is politics, it might just be significant that for all that "Rand Paul Lurves me" stuff, back in 2010, McConnell actually endorsed Aqua Buddha's primary opponent, former Kentucky secretary of State Trey Grayson. But we guess now Rand's a Belieber with Yertle Fever. The excitement is just palpable, isn't it?
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Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.