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Stop stealing all his good idea


Rand Paul. Remember that guy? Nah, probably not. He is a "doctor" and a "senator" and technically still a Republican presidential candidate, although honestly, we haven't thought about him in weeks. But damnit, he would really like some attention please! So while some Republicans, including Paul's presidential rivals, are pretending to be appalled by Donald Trump's "No Muslims Allowed In Trump's America" plan, Sen. Frat Boy wants you to know it was his idea, ACTUALLY:

I’ve called for something similar, which is a moratorium based on high risk. And so we have examined where the high risk of terrorism comes from and it’s about 34 countries. I would put a pause on all immigration from those 34 countries. I have actually introduced legislation and got a vote on it. I had a vote on it just last week. Which is kind of interesting, all the hoopla, because people don't seem to understand a similar concept has already been voted on.

Rand is so proud of himself when he makes a legislation in his pants. He even got 'em to vote on it and everything! And they did vote on it, giving him a resounding "Fuck off with that noise, Rand." Sure, his amendment was defeated 10-89, but at least he got them to look at it for half a second, so clearly, he's presidential material.

It's important to Rand Paul that we note he thinks "it’s a mistake to base immigration or moratoriums based on religion," as Trump so explicitly advocates. But it's also important to the senator for us to note that Trump's plan is basically Rand's plan, except Rand's plan -- the Stop Extremists Coming Under Refugee Entry Act, aka the SECURE Act (get it? get it? those senators are so goddamned clever, aren't they?) -- would suspend visas for all immigrants and refugees from this list of 34 "high risk" countries, to stop them from "exporting terrorists to us."

Where'd the list come from? Who knows? Maybe it came from Hillary Clinton's private email or maybe it came from Rand's daddy's wingnut newsletter or maybe it came from the Department of Homeland Security. But the important part is, Rand Paul has a plan to keep them out, if you know what he means, wink wink, and we should stop giving Trump all the credit Rand Paul rightly deserves.

And why do you think this Trump-ish but not exactly but pretty much the same plan is such a good idea, Sen. Paul?

I think it is a good idea to put a pause on immigration because I don't think we have a good handle on who's here right now. I think we don't have a good handle on who's entering our country and whether they're obeying our laws.

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Gosh, couldn't we just put up some stickers throughout America, telling them, “Hey you, don't you even think of doing terrorism here”? Wouldn't that solve it? Or does that only apply in situations where homegrown killers do mass shootings on school campuses, and we can't even blame the foreigns for it?

[BuzzFeed via TPM / Rand Paul's Senate website]

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Guys, it's been one more shit day in a shit week in the fifth shit month of another shit Trump year. Which is why I need to remind you that it's not ALL shit out there! Oh, sure, it's MOSTLY shit, but you know what isn't shit? YR WONKETTE, and the strange community of strange internet people who have made getting through all this shit a bit more tolerable, that's who and what. Which is why you should give us money, so we can keep whanging away at the walls of shit with our shovels and laughing at the shit getting all over, because one of these days we will get it all cleaned up or at least not be up to our waists in shit, and we can all laugh about what a crazy fight it was, as St. Molly Ivins always kept reminding us.

In case you're new here, let me just remind you that Wonkette literally got me, Yr Dok Zoom, out of what wasn't quite poverty, but was pretty much paycheck-to-paycheck desperation. I started reading the site shortly before Barack Obama was elected, began commenting sometime in his first term, and submitted a story tip to Rebecca a few months after she bought the site for 47 dollars and a sandwich (I now understand it was a bit more than that). It was Memorial Day 2012, and she wrote back she was busy with some "stupid thing I have to do for some muneez," but would I like to try writing a blog post myself? "I understand if you say FUCK NO. But maybe you are thinking FUCK YES?" And then she warned me she paid only in Ameros. I did, the post was forgettable but OK, and then I wrote a thing (borrowed from now long-lost comments) that went semi-viral, and suddenly I was that hottest thing in publishing, a freelancer!

In less than a year, Rebecca asked you all to buy me to be your very own pet blogger, and my life suddenly became incredibly good, like as good as an Abba song. It's as good as "Dancing Queen." Thanks to the timing of the whole thing (and to Barry Obama and Nancy Pelosi), I actually had health insurance for the first time in years, a not inconsiderable thing. And you had an Editrix who was not working 12 hour days six and a half days a week and drinking too much from stress. Your continued donations helped hire Evan full time and Robyn and Bianca part time and a whole raft of freelancers, and now Rebecca is down to eight-hour days, five and a half days a week, and drinking because there's a madman in the White House and everything's terrible.

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There is a very normal article circulating on the internet right now by a fella named Don Boys (that's not the joke, the jokes are coming), who is both an insane batshit preacher, and also an insane batshit former member of the Indiana House of Representatives. (Also sometimes he blogs at the Daily Caller about how Mike Pence really went balls deep into the gay agenda when he swore in that insane batshit gay guy Rick Grenell as America's ambassador to Germany.)

This article, of course, is about Pete Buttigieg, because what are anti-gay buffoons obsessed with right now? Pete Buttigieg. Boys (still his name) is primarily concerned not with the simple fact that Buttigieg is gay, but with how gay Buttigieg really is. IN THE SEX WAY!

Well, Don, since you asked!

Shall we dive into this thing without the proper prophylactics? We shall.

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