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Rand Paul's Drunky Underage Son Arrested For Being Too Awesome

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What's up, "William Hilton Paul," if that even is your real name? (What, "Ramada" was taken?) Oh, you just got hauled off from the airport to the pokey for being too rad? Let us examine, together, your charges:


When the plane landed about 10:49 a.m., Paul was charged with consuming beer/wine underage, disorderly conduct and being intoxicated and disruptive.

10:49 a.m.? Young man, we like the cut of your jib!

But more importantly, what do we think William ben Rand ben RON PAUL!!!1! did that was disorderly and disruptive?

  • Went Galt.
  • Played "Words With Friends."
  • Told female passengers they would enjoy oral sex from him due to the scrapey friction from his scraggly Flavor Saver.
  • Was Muslim.

Sen. Rand Paul has asked that we be understanding that all teens are fucking assholes -- and we are, Blanche, we are. But as Mr. Sen. Paul is also toying with the idea of running for president, let us greet New Jenna with open arms. Welcome to the American electorate, New Jenna. We love you!

[CharlotteObserver]

Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.

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Fox news, the preeminent home of White Jesus and White Santa Claus, had a bit of a dustup this weekend involving a Black Democrat, a Trump staffer, and of course, black people picking cotton. As many of you may recall, Republicans often have this antebellum fantasy of black Democrats living on a plantation, probably owned by Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama, trapped and desperate for "Free Market Solutions" to our mental slavery. So, it was absolutely no surprise at all when we heard White House advisor David Bossie tell black Democratic consultant Joel Payne that he was "out of his cotton picking mind," on Fox News Sunday. First of all, let me mention that this segment was about how victimized Republicans are because people keep calling them racist for saying and doing so many racist things. Like when people call Republicans Nazis for supporting baby concentration camps, BECAUSE IT'S MEAN AND HURTS THEIR RACIST FEELINGS. Man, they whine a lot.

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Scott Pruitt has been busy crooking up a storm since he became head of the Environmental Protection Agency, which he has dedicated his life to destroying. He's managed to stay under the radar somewhat because he works for an administration that kidnaps children, which is a bold but effectively distracting front for his grifting. It also helps that Congressional Republicans, including House Speaker Paul Ryan, routinely claim ignorance of his existence.

Unfortunately for Pruitt, the Office of the Special Counsel is very much aware he exists.

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