RED ALERT: Terror Plot May Have Resembled Sundays at Meridan Park
Michael Chertoff, pretending he had anything to do with work of British police:
"This was a very sophisticated plan and operation," he said. "It was not a circle with a handful of people sitting around and dreaming."
BREAKING: DESPITE ALL EVIDENCE TO CONTRARY, TERRORISTS ARE NOT HIPPIES
Handful of people sitting around and dreaming = those guys we arrested in Florida, right?
[Transportation Department official Kip Hawley] suggested that travelers "leave liquids at home or drink them" before passing through security checkpoints....
We suggest that you drink a lot of these "liquids" before passing through security, and then, having passed, we further suggest that you find the nearest airport bar and grille and drink as much liquid as possible before your flight, where you should continue to keep as lubricated as possible.
A customer service agent for British Airways told passengers, "The only thing we know for sure is Christmas Day falls on Dec. 25."
Oh, those British. Such a dry sense of humor. Where "dry" means "unhelpfully passive-aggressive."
Officials say the plot, which involved seemingly harmless liquids that, when mixed, could create a dangerous explosive, would've resembled this.