Rehnquist Retirement Watch (Day Five)
Chief Justice William Rehnquist is still not retired. What's more, you will take his gavel when you pry it from his cold, dead hand.* Yesterday, he released a statement intended to dispell rumors of imminent departure (cough, Bob Novak, cough), saying "I am not about to announce my retirement. I will continue to perform my duties as chief justice as long as my health permits."
Translation: "I'm not going anywhere, bitches." Snap!
We reiterate our belief that Rehnquist has actually arranged to sitting on the court from a bench in the afterlife. Either that or the disembodied head thing.
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*Joke courtesy of Wonkette operative S.W. Thanks, S.W.!