Religion

'Macho Jesus'-Loving Trump Prophet Kicked Out Of Own Church For 'Unbiblical Behavior'

Seems pretty clear he cheated on his wife and then left her.

On Wednesday, Jeff Jansen — one of the many 'Trump Prophets' predicting that Trump will be President again any minute now — posted a video to Facebook in which he doubled down on his prophecy that Biden would be removed from office by April (don't check your calendars because yes, it is May).


The last time we encountered Jeff Jansen, he was talking about how he believed in a Big Tough Macho Jesus who went around whipping people on the regular.

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Religion

Very Seriously, Christians Demand To Know Why Joe Biden Is Cancel Culturing God!

JFC, I can't with these people.

One day, I will figure out how to turn off news notifications on my iPad. By which I mean, one day I will remember to make one of my kids turn off the news notifications on my iPad. But that day is not today, which is why I am still being bombarded by an unending stream of clickbait headlines that would make the Taboola crew blush from their sheer hackiness.

Are Democrats deliberately lowering your sperm count? Does Biden eat babies and kick puppies, or kick babies and eat puppies? Global Warming: Mild inconvenience or blessing from Jesus? And on and on forever until I manage to unlock the thing and ask the America's Test Kitchen ladies what's for dinner tonight. (Spoiler Alert: Always chicken.)

But sometimes Rupert Murdoch's social media minions manage to outdo themselves with something so ridiculous that I really must stop and investigate. To wit:

"Did Biden cancel God on the National Day of Prayer?" the Foxies wondered provocatively?

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Religion

Found It. Found The Most Batsh*t Response To Facebook's Trump Ban.

Whew buddy.

We haven't spent a lot of time watching Donald Trump's minions beat their chests and thrash about in response to the news that Trump is not allowed back on Facebook. As fun as it is, we figure he's got that LiveJournal now, which should keep the baby occupied for a few days.

But Right Wing Watch bringeth glad tidings of, we dunno, one of those idiot televangelists they monitor, and we are pretty sure this guy has the most hilarious, insanest response to the Trump Facebook ban.

Did you know Facebook upholding the Trump ban is just like when Satan murdered Jesus? Which is ... not exactly how the Bible goes, but OK. And did you know Facebook is gonna be SORRY, just like DEVIL WAS SORRY?

The man's name is Shane Vaughn, and far's we can tell, this is his Wonkette debut. He is the pastor of First Harvest Ministries in Assfuck Waveland, Mississippi, and he apparently went viral after the election with some pissant video about how Trump was totally still going to get to keep being president. He's very good at predictions like that.

In this video highlighted by Right Wing Watch, Vaughn lays out his Devil analogy. He's very excited about Trump's new Blogspot account. But, perhaps recognizing that Trump's little blog probably won't have much reach, he is demanding that "100,000 patriots" become "reporters for Donald Trump," to get his Christlike message out there.

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US of America News

Sorry About Your Breakfast, It's Time For The Josh Duggar Update

Ugh.

Josh Duggar is on his way out of jail, where he'll be free to see his wife and children after being arrested last week for child porn. That's right, the firstborn of the Duggar clan was granted bail, as a judge has decided it's fine for him to be around his own children, but not anybody else's children. (As if familial ties ever stopped him before.) But don't worry, his wife is required to be with him at all times when he's with the children. So that's "comforting."

He has to wear an ankle monitor, and will be "confined to the home of family friends who have agreed to be his custodian during his release," per the AP. He's also not allowed to be anywhere near the internet, for obvious reasons, and he can't ask his babysitters for their internet passwords. And it's literally on the list that he's not allowed to watch porn, in case he was wondering.

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