Look Younger And More Vibrant With Jesus Lady's Plan To Cast Out Evil Spirits Of Death
Meet Katie Souza! She's a kooky gal who supposedly led a life of crime and drugs and danger before becoming an evangelist. In a recent (okay, two weeks ago but I kept meaning to get to it!) episode of "Sid Roth's 'It's Supernatural!,' one of my favorite fundie talk shows on the YouTube because of how he reminds me of Kane from Poltergeist, Souza explained how one can stay young forever simply by banishing the Evil Spirit of Death" from their lives. Which means I have been spending way too much money on skincare products.
What is the Evil Spirit of Death? Let's let Katie explain:
The spirit of death is active in the world at every moment, he's putting death on people's bodies, he's causing rapid aging, he's causing disease, disorder, he's also killing off finances and marriages and relationships.
And Sid, honestly, I believe that when we transition to heaven as a born-again believer, that we just do that. We lay down at God's appointed time and we just transition to our place in glory.
If the spirit of death is in the room at the time of our death, it usually means that we're dying of a disease or something that was not the will of God.
Well that is just science.
Souza has had her own run-ins with the Spirit of Death, who came into her room one day when she was sick. She even heard his voice! So she asked God who it was and God was all "It's the spirit of death, he's on assignment to kill you." And then she immediately went into menopause!
Renounce This Evil Spirit Aging You Prematurely! youtu.be
Then she gained eight pounds and her hair got really bad and her skin started sagging all over — just in a week! As if that wasn't bad enough, the Spirit of Death then started screwing with her marriage and cutting off the financial support for her ministry.
And it got worse!
"I had four people in my life, very close to me, who were killed by the Spirit of Death," she explained, "Then he even took the lives of my dogs! Two of my dogs died within weeks of each other."
Apparently, as she learned from the holy spirit, she did some kind of sinning that gave the Spirit of Death the right to attack her and her organs. And apparently her dogs.
So she rededicated her life to Jesus and repented constantly, and that made her skin tighter and made her marriage better. Alas, her friends and dogs stayed dead.
Later in the video, she tells the story of how she met an old lady with some health problems and so she shook the Spirit of Death out of her and then the next day she was young again. And apparently wearing the same outfit and standing in the exact same place. Magic!
She Shook Off the Spirit of Death & This Happens… #Shorts www.youtube.com
Yeah, I think I am probably going to stick with my snail mucin and AHA/BHA and all of my other skincare stuff, as that has been working pretty well from me (such a big fan of the Philosophy Microdelivery Dream Peel right now, by the way). I am not really interested in any supernatural assistance, as I already know how that movie ends.
meryl streep 90s movies GIF by absurdnoise
Giphy
Jesus' anti-aging program looks a hell of a lot like Botox and fillers anyway.
Here is a quick but extremely dramatic bio of Souza from some religious channel called Daystar, though I have absolutely no way of vetting any of this right now.. I'm definitely getting some Mike Warnke energy though so take it with a grain of salt.
Born in 1963, Katie Souza grew up a tomboy, hunting and fishing with her mother on a rural ranch in Wisconsin. At age ten her family moved to the Hawaiian Islands. Katie's problems began when she started experimenting with drugs, alcohol, and hallucinogenic mushrooms. Her use of drugs escalated when, at age 17, she went to work in the entertainment industry as a disc jockey in Honolulu, Hawaii.
At age twenty, Katie left Hawaii to go to California. For three years she worked as a broadcast engineer at a CBS affiliate in Bakersfield, doing modeling and television commercials on the side. At this point her drug use was daily. In 1986, Katie moved to Los Angeles. Engrossed in the Hollywood drug scene, Katie dropped out of television and started a rock band. By 1991, Katie had become a career criminal. Her life consisted of drugs, clandestine laboratories, stolen vehicles, high-speed chases, gun shootouts, and many arrests. She was arrested in February of 1999, charged by the federal government with manufacturing, conspiracy and gun possession, Katie was sentenced to twelve and a half years in federal prison.
Obligatory:
Part-Time Model - Flight Of The Conchords (Lyrics) www.youtube.com
So Souza did all of the crimes, all of them, and then she found Jesus and now she makes her living shaking old ladies to get evil death spirits to leave them alone so they can be young again. Good for her.
Now I am going to go and learn literally everything about this lady and her wackadoo life, and you may all open thread!
ETA: Don't forget! Stephen and I will be live here tomorrow at 3:30pm EST, so come hang out with us!
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Michael Flynn Says He Does Not Worship Satan, Which Is Exactly What A Satan Worshiper Would Say
In response, Flynn appeared on a random YouTube show called Truth Unveiled TV this week to tell his side of the story, which was that he was actually just reworking a prayer to St. Michael the Archangel that he carries around with him and was not in fact praying to Satan.
Ironically, Flynn suggests in the video that people should stop reading things into everything he or anyone else says, which is pretty much the main activity that his followers are Where We Go One We Go All-ing about.
Now, Flynn's prayer bears no resemblance at all to the most common prayer to St. Michael, but it does, as Twitter user Jim Stewartson pointed out, bear a strong resemblance to a "decree" by Elizabeth Clare Prophet, the leader of the Church Universal and Triumphant (CUT)/Summit Lighthouse — a theosophy-based cult that rose to prominence in the 1980s when her followers all moved to underground bunkers in Montana in hopes of living through the apocalypse she had predicted.
For comparison.
Prophet: I AM the instrument of those sevenfold rays and archangels! And I will not retreat. I will take my stand I will not fear to speak. And I will be the instrument of God's will, whatever it is Here I AM, so help me, God! In the name of Archangel Michael and his legions, I AM freeborn and I shall remain freeborn! And I shall not be enslaved by any foe within and without!
Flynn: We are your instrument of those sevenfold rays and all your archangels, all of them. We will not retreat, we will not retreat. We will stand our ground. We will not fear to speak. We will be the instrument of your will, whatever it is. In your name and the name of your legions. We are freeborn, and we shall remain freeborn. And we shall not be enslaved by any foe within and without, so help me God.
There is little question that this is basically (entirely) the same prayer — although in CUT terminology, it's called a "decree." To be clear, by the way, it's not "Satanism."
That being said ... as hilarious and ironic as it would be if it were true, I highly doubt that Michael Flynn is secretly a member of the Church Universal and Triumphant or any other Ascended Masters group, not least of all because barely anyone is a member of CUT these days. However, the Summit Lighthouse does hand out pamphlets on occasion — I actually have one at home because all of my friends know I love weird religious tracts — and St. Michael the Archangel figures really heavily into the Ascended Master stuff.
I just would not personally put it past an old Catholic guy from Rhode Island (where almost everyone is Catholic and assumes everyone else is also Catholic) to be like "Oh look, a nice prayer to the Archangel Michael, let me cut that out and put it in my wallet or on my refrigerator, with all of the other prayer cards and memorial cards and random pictures of angels," or for someone to have given him the prayer already cut out. My dad literally just stopped mailing me newspaper clippings a few years ago and I have to assume this is a cultural thing of some kind. I'm an Occam's Razor kind of gal and I'm not about to fight QAnon with QAnon.
The big tell, however, is that he wears a lot of red and black, which is totally forbidden by both the "I AM" Activity and the Church Universal and Triumphant. It's not a casual suggestion, either. When I visited the "I AM" Activity temple in Chicago, they told me I wouldn't be allowed in if I were were not wearing the right colors from head to toe.
But While We're Here — What Even Is This Shit?
Contrary to what Stewartson says in his tweets, The I AM Activity and the Church Universal and Triumphant, though both are centered on Theosophy, New Thought, and "Ascended Masters" woo, are not the same organization and have different beliefs. CUT certainly co-opted a whole lot of their nonsense from Guy and Edna Ballard and considered them both to be Ascended Masters once they died, but they were and are both their own weird thing. For instance, CUT definitely incorporated Christian beliefs, as well as beliefs from other religions, to a greater degree (although almost all Ascended Masters groups consider Jesus to have been an Ascended Master). They were also really, really, really anti-communist and really into hoarding guns, because they thought the apocalypse was coming and they were going to have to defend their bunkers from looters. CUT is basically what would happen if your weird friend who thought she was an Indigo child joined the John Birch Society and the NRA.
Neither groups have particularly active followings these days.
Guy and Edna Ballard, aka Godfré Ray King and Lotus Ray King in their fabulous cult outfits.
The primary belief of both groups is in the "ascended masters" — people who have been reincarnated enough times to attain enlightenment, become one with their "Mighty 'I AM' Presences" and enter "the sixth dimension," whatever the hell that is supposed to be. The main characters from most religions? Ascended masters. Most of the leaders of these groups claim to be super close to becoming ascended masters themselves and frequently discuss their previous incarnations. Guy Ballard, for instance, had been many people, including King Henry V, King Richard the Lionhearted, George Washington, Alexander the Great and Aemilius, a Roman Centurion present at Jesus' Crucifixion.
Literally just watched this episode last night and the quote felt relevant!
Their main dude, however, is St. Germain — whose last incarnation was as Francis Bacon, though he was previously Christopher Columbus, Plato and Merlin, the fictional magician. Ballard claimed to have met St. Germain at Mount Shasta (yeah, they're all up in that Mount Shasta shit). According to Elizabeth Clare Prophet's nonsense, Francis Bacon faked his death and then lived as the Count of St. Germain for several decades and then ascended. However, all of these different Ascended Masters groups have different ideas about how that all was supposed to work.
If you are thinking "Boy, that sounds like a super white version of some Eastern religious traditions," you would be correct. Helena Blavatsky, the founder of Theosophy and a super weird and interesting lady in her own right, traveled to India to learn from the yogis there, took some of what they said and then came up with her own thing. While she used the term "Mahatma" instead of "Ascended Master," it was basically the same deal.
The best Ascended Masters group, by the way, was the Unarius Academy of Science, led by the Archangel Uriel (aka Ruth Norman) and her extremely good outfits.
Such good outfits.
One thing I do find kind of interesting though is that Edna Ballard, Elizabeth Clare Prophet and Ruth Norman all had husbands who kind of started them off on the New Age Trip, but then very much took over and became the more prominent leader of their respected groups, particularly after said husbands died. It's like Girl Boss Feminism, cult style. Maybe?
There are, of course, other Ascended Masters groups, like "I AM" University and most of your smaller New Age cults, which are probably more active than CUT or the "I AM" Activity these days. There are all kinds of theories involving some Ascended Masters being born as adults or having previously reincarnated on other planets, there's even UFOlogy in some of them.
So yeah, Michael Flynn is probably not secretly in a cult that barely exists anymore and is just a regular grifter. Although if he starts doing a violet flame decree or channeling St. Germain, I will happily eat my own words.
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