Seems pretty clear he cheated on his wife and then left her.
On Wednesday, Jeff Jansen — one of the many 'Trump Prophets' predicting that Trump will be President again any minute now — posted a video to Facebook in which he doubled down on his prophecy that Biden would be removed from office by April (don't check your calendars because yes, it is May).
Self-proclaimed "prophet" Jeff Jansen prophesied that the military would remove Biden from office by the end of Apr… https://t.co/I2YWC4BqjI— Right Wing Watch (@Right Wing Watch)1620307591.0
The last time we encountered Jeff Jansen, he was talking about how he believed in a Big Tough Macho Jesus who went around whipping people on the regular.
Alas, it seems like his prediction on who would be getting kicked out of office was a little off — because on Friday, his church, Global Fire Ministries International sent out an email announcing that Jansen himself would be stepping down himself, due to "unbiblical behavior," and "bad moral choices and coping mechanisms." Taking over the ministry is his wife, Jan Jansen, who almost definitely wrote the email herself.
Well, at least the part that read "[r]ather than submit to the process of healing and restoration, Jeff recently made an intentional decision to leave his wife and family to pursue his own desires. He remains unrepentant and unremorseful"
It is with deep sorrow that Jeff Jansen has been asked, by his board, to step down as Co-Senior Leader of Global Fire Church, and from Global Fire Ministries due to unscriptural and unbiblical behavior. He was asked to step down In April, and this was made public to the church body on May 2. 2021. A statement was released to partners and friends on May 5.
Due to a pattern of making poor moral choices, and bad coping mechanisms, character flaws became obvious which disqualified Jeff from New Testament leadership. His lifestyle in the home. traveling on the road, and in the House of God, has fallen below Biblical standards laid out for those in leadership. He has been confronted concerning these flaws numerous times over a period of time.
Rather than submit to the process of healing and restoration, Jeff recently made an intentional decision to leave his wife and family to pursue his own desires. He remains unrepentant and unremorseful.
Any pursuit of further ministry on Jeff’s behalf is not under the umbrella and blessing of Global Fire Ministries. Global Fire Church will continue to thrive! Our church was built on the importance of family and that will remain.
One would think that someone who regularly chats with God about the ins and outs of US politics would have gotten some kind of heads up that his own behavior was about to get him kicked out of his church, but apparently that never came up.
Jan Jensen also wrote another email further explaining her husband's behavior.
"Unfortunately, Jeff struggled for many years dealing with the stress and warfare of his travels. Being a high-level, recognized minister, this led to poor choices in coping mechanisms. I don't believe he was strong enough to withstand what was coming at him because of his very public stand for President Trump and against the dark side. When you take a stand like that, you must have no cracks in your armor. Jeff never really humbled himself enough to get healing for his soul and seal the cracks," she wrote.
Jan Jansen reiterated that her husband had chosen to leave her and his children to "pursue his own desires." She wrote that it "grieves me and breaks my heart to have to announce this, and I just pray to healing over you as I say it." She asked supporters to "pray" for her husband and said that he "will wake up and seek full restoration."
Sure, Jan. Your husband was so distraught over left-wing blogs making fun of him and his love of Macho Jesus and Donald Trump that he was driven to leave you and do a bunch of "unbiblical behavior." We are entirely to blame here. Surely, if no one had pointed out that Donald Trump had not been elected president again as he predicted, he would have remained completely holy. It's hardly as if other well-known socially conservative preachers have ever done anything like this before. Except for literally every single one we have ever heard of — including Ernest Angley, the homophobic evangelical preacher known to sexually harass his male subordinates, who died on Friday at the age of 99.
Of course, if we could get a Jimmy Swaggart-style sobbing video, that would be super great, thanks.
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JFC, I can't with these people.
One day, I will figure out how to turn off news notifications on my iPad. By which I mean, one day I will remember to make one of my kids turn off the news notifications on my iPad. But that day is not today, which is why I am still being bombarded by an unending stream of clickbait headlines that would make the Taboola crew blush from their sheer hackiness.
Are Democrats deliberately lowering your sperm count? Does Biden eat babies and kick puppies, or kick babies and eat puppies? Global Warming: Mild inconvenience or blessing from Jesus? And on and on forever until I manage to unlock the thing and ask the America's Test Kitchen ladies what's for dinner tonight. (Spoiler Alert: Always chicken.)
But sometimes Rupert Murdoch's social media minions manage to outdo themselves with something so ridiculous that I really must stop and investigate. To wit:
Yeah, that sounds like him https://t.co/2jXIvifVmy— Liz Dye (@Liz Dye)1620348523.0
"Did Biden cancel God on the National Day of Prayer?" the Foxies wondered provocatively?
Which is confusing, because how would he even find the time to cancel God when he's always at church? The president is constantly stopping the motorcade to run into the Church of Saint Swithin in Coals to Newcastle, Delaware. Or nipping out to visit Our Lady of Everlasting Perpetuity in DC. On the plus side, if he's going to cancel culture God, at least Biden will be able to tell him about it in person. My understanding of Christian theology is quite limited, but I believe the Holy Spirit gets testy about being You're Fired in a tweet tapped out from the 12th hole at Mar-a-Lago.
After several minutes of Google goggling, I can report that the Right has its knickers in a twist today because the word "God" did not appear in the prepared text for President Biden's proclamation on the National Day of Prayer on Wednesday, so obviously God is CANCELED. What a slap in the face for people of faith everywhere!
"Joe Biden's National Day of Prayer Proclamation has been released and it doesn't even mention God once! How do you release a proclamation about prayer and not mention God at all?" howled the Christian Broadcasting Network's Chief Political Correspondent David Brody on Twitter. "Of course it mentions climate change & racial justice. Truly, this is pathetic...and not surprising!"
So gross that President Wokepants is blabbing about works and not just the very narrow faith that excuses a lifetime of sin! Spaketh Biden:
Prayer has nourished countless souls and powered moral movements — including essential fights against racial injustice, child labor, and infringement on the rights of disabled Americans. Prayer is also a daily practice for many, whether it is to ask for help or strength, or to give thanks over blessings bestowed.
Fox raced to inform its readers that "Trump's 2017 proclamation mentioned God five times, his 2018 proclamation mentioned God five times, his 2019 proclamation mentioned God seven times and his 2020 proclamation mentioned God 11 times." And if you add them all up, you get 28 times, which is the number of times Trump went to church during the four years of his presidency. Just kidding — it's like half that.
Franklin Graham, who likened Trump to Jesus betrayed by the Apostles when 10 Republicans voted to impeach him, was also quite upset at the omission.
"Why would President @JoeBiden omit God?" he tweeted. "Today marks the 70th annual #NationalDayOfPrayer & President Biden is the first @POTUS to omit the word 'God' in his proclamation. That speaks volumes doesn't it?"
As a heathen Jew myself, I'll leave the Christian theological analysis to Evan, who is not here today. But I will point out this, my personal favorite of this genre courtesy of American Greatness (whatever that is). See if you can spot the problem here.
Morning Greatness: Biden’s National Day of Prayer Proclamation Leaves Out ‘G-d’ https://t.co/zVXPL5qiIH— American Greatness (@American Greatness)1620396584.0
Hint: They replicated it here with this headline.
Hey, look who else isn't talking about "God" either?
As a practicing Jew myself, I also do not write the word "God" out in my personal life. Because in Hebrew School, they taught us that you might step on a piece of paper with the Lord's name on it, which would be disrespectful. In fact, not saying Gd's name (that's how I would write it if we were friends, which we are!), is kind of a thing in Judaism. That's why we refer to Ha'Shem, which literally means "the name" instead of speaking the tetragrammaton. So the person screeching in rage about Biden refusing to name G-d is literally refusing to name G-d herself because we don't say G-d's name.
In summary and in conclusion, these people need to quit taking the Lord's name in vain and get a freaking life.
Oh, and PS, President Joe "Gd Love 'Em" Biden thanked heaven for the vaccine, which was developed "by the grace of God." So the story is actually bullshit, because of course it is.
Good Shabbos, and OPEN THREAD!
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We haven't spent a lot of time watching Donald Trump's minions beat their chests and thrash about in response to the news that Trump is not allowed back on Facebook. As fun as it is, we figure he's got that LiveJournal now, which should keep the baby occupied for a few days.
But Right Wing Watch bringeth glad tidings of, we dunno, one of those idiot televangelists they monitor, and we are pretty sure this guy has the most hilarious, insanest response to the Trump Facebook ban.
Did you know Facebook upholding the Trump ban is just like when Satan murdered Jesus? Which is ... not exactly how the Bible goes, but OK. And did you know Facebook is gonna be SORRY, just like DEVIL WAS SORRY?
The man's name is Shane Vaughn, and far's we can tell, this is his Wonkette debut. He is the pastor of First Harvest Ministries in
Assfuck Waveland, Mississippi, and he apparently went viral after the election with some pissant video about how Trump was totally still going to get to keep being president. He's very good at predictions like that.
In this video highlighted by Right Wing Watch, Vaughn lays out his Devil analogy. He's very excited about Trump's new Blogspot account. But, perhaps recognizing that Trump's little blog probably won't have much reach, he is demanding that "100,000 patriots" become "reporters for Donald Trump," to get his Christlike message out there.
"Get his words out there since they wanted to be so smart that they wound up being stupid."
He means Facebook.
"They made the same mistake that Satan made when he killed Jesus Christ. By killing that one man and killing his voice, he created a world full of little Christians that echo the message of Christ. See? Stupid on the devil's part."
Satan did not actually participate in the killing of Jesus, according to this Bible we have right here, and according to this Apostle's Creed what says Jesus was "crucified under Pontius Pilate." Look at this assclown thinkin' the Devil blazed in like Batman to murder Jesus, what a dick. Fuckin' dumbass, fuckin' DO YOU EVEN "BIBLE," BRO?
"The Bible says had Satan known what was going to happen, he would never have crucified Jesus Christ, because what he did was he started a harvest of Christians that echo the message," Vaughn continued.
The Bible does not mention a "harvest of Christians," at least not in those precise terms. (It uses a lot of "harvest" imagery.) It doesn't even mention Christians until Luke writes of it in Acts 11:26. (But really that wasn't what they were calling themselves, but more what outside society started calling them.) After that, it uses the word "Christians" two more times, but neither of them was about a "harvest" that made the Devil so mad he couldn't even. The early church didn't adopt the term, really, until post-Bible days.
Maybe we're being nitpicky, but we just don't think this prophet from Waveland, Mississippi, is much of a Bible trivia champion. Sounds like he needs to find a fuckin' Sunday school and go to it.
"He only had one man to deal with, now he's got a whole population full of us. Same thing they're doing with Trump."
Because these people aren't even Christians anymore. Their lord and savior has been replaced with a large orange man who's still proud he passed a dementia test.
"Let them crucify him, but we're now the echo, and we're going to put it on every page, every Twitter account, everything we got because the Oversight Board didn't rule that we couldn't share Trump content. It's allowed on Facebook, for now anyway, so take advantage of it while we can."
Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, um, on Twitter! Yeah, and baptizing them in the name of He Who Knows The Holy Words Person, Woman, Man, Camera And TV, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you! And surely Trump is with you always, to the very end of the age!
Got that? Satan crucifying Jesus (still not how it went down) is just like ... wait did dude just type "Let them crucify him"? And by "him" he means Facebook vis a vis Trump? That is so blasphemous we don't know what to say. AND WE ARE A LIBERAL DICK BLOG.
"I'm ordaining all of you right now as evangelists of the Trump revival," Vaughn declared.
Cool. They're all getting ordained as Trump Priests of the Trump Revival. Which doesn't seem compatible with worshiping Jesus, really. Especially in light of that whole Ten Commandments thing about "Ye shall have no other gods before me." Alas, we digress.
Anyway, that is the stupidest and most hilarious reaction we have found to Facebook preventing Donald Trump, a mere mortal man, from setting up a new profile so he can play Farmville and incite domestic terrorist attacks.
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Josh Duggar is on his way out of jail, where he'll be free to see his wife and children after being arrested last week for child porn. That's right, the firstborn of the Duggar clan was granted bail, as a judge has decided it's fine for him to be around his own children, but not anybody else's children. (As if familial ties ever stopped him before.) But don't worry, his wife is required to be with him at all times when he's with the children. So that's "comforting."
He has to wear an ankle monitor, and will be "confined to the home of family friends who have agreed to be his custodian during his release," per the AP. He's also not allowed to be anywhere near the internet, for obvious reasons, and he can't ask his babysitters for their internet passwords. And it's literally on the list that he's not allowed to watch porn, in case he was wondering.
"I have full confidence in the United States Marshal Service to find you if you decide not to comply with these conditions of release, so don't make me regret this decision," [Magistrate Judge Christy] Comstock said after a four-hour hearing conducted over Zoom.
For more on the hearing, and more details of what exactly the feds have found on Duggar, we go to noted journalism outfit Entertainment Weekly. It's really, really gross. Homeland Security Investigations Special Agent Gerald Faulkner testified that a file on Duggar's computer at his used car dealership "depicted child sex abuse involving children ranging from 18 months to 12 years of age." Yes, that said 18 months. Faulkner told the court it was "in the top five of the worst of the worst that I've ever had to examine." In all there were more than 200 images.
And then there's this detail:
According to Faulkner, when homeland security officials raided Duggar's car dealership and asked to speak with him, without informing him they were investigating child pornography, Duggar "spontaneously" responded, "What is this about? Has someone been downloading child pornography?"
What a very normal response to the feds! WHAT'S THIS ABOUT, SOME KINDA KIDDIE PORN?
Faulkner alleged that when Duggar was asked point blank about seeing or having child sex abuse material in his possession, he said, "I'd rather not answer that question."
Because this is all so very on-brand for conservative evangelical Christian subculture, Duggar reportedly had one of those internet nanny softwares on his computer, a Christian one called "Covenant Eyes," which was supposed to shame him out of looking at porns, because it would send his wife, Anna, a message if he looked at any porns. Y'all know about how we've been hearing of Josh's so-called "porn addiction" ever since 2015 when the scandal about him molesting his sisters was revealed.
It's such an evangelical thing. "Porn addiction." As Wonkette presciently wrote at the time, about Josh's "porn addiction":
It's ALWAYS the porn, at least when you're a repressed fundamentalist shitbag from a repressed fundamentalist shitbag home. Weird how "porn addiction" doesn't really seem to exist for normal people with a healthy appreciation for sex. Was he watching grown-ups? JUST ASKING.
Asked and answered!
In that blog post, Wonkette also said, "Divorce him, Anna Duggar. There's still hope for your family. Just saying." Oh well, Wonkette's sage advice not taken!
Anyway, somehow Josh got around the filter to look at kiddie porn, reportedly because he was using some kind of Linux partition that wouldn't sext his wife when he looked at kiddie porn on that side of the computer.
So that's your Josh Duggar kiddie porn update. Feel free to resume eating breakfast whenever your body says it's willing to accept food again.
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