- Michele Bachmann and Steve King stood up for the antebellum south, who have been totally ignored since that runaway Kenyan slave became president.
- Perfect virgin Bristol Palin memorized some new vocabulary words to defend her honor against the ruler of Dictionopolis, Keith Olbermann.
- The elite state of science reporting was threatened by ignorant bloggers who only care about Area 51 and Lizard Men.
- Wonkette's newest feature, Wonkileaks, channeled the glorious Julian Assange to shine a cleansing light onto the shadowy world of Defense Department initialisms.
- Eric Cantor caught onto the gay agenda plot to destroy Christmas via the most dark-sided Antichrist mode of expression, art.
- America's clementine, John Boehner, had a diaper-baby tantrum because depriving millionaires of their vacation yachts is the excrement of common domesticated fowl.
- Some sly money changers decided to build an ark in Kentucky of all places, using tax payer funds to fleece believers and heathens alike out of their hard-earned billionaire tax breaks.
