Report From Hawai'i: Barack Will Kill, So Go To Bed

Saddened and angered by our nation's Cable News Channels switching to repeats long before any results appeared from Hawaii, we demanded Inside Information from our island readers. Here's what we've learned, courtesy of totally objective Wonkette operative Noreen H. in Honolulu:

It will be a very long time before we get results from Hawaii due to the fact that turnout was absolutely phenomenal, with so many newly registered Democrats lining up around several blocks at each school cafeteria in each district. The ballots ran out before most of the line got in at the precincts I, my sister, and my brother each separately attended, so we had to vote on scraps of paper, maybe xeroxed with the 5 or so presidential choices. I heard words "Once in a lifetime opportunity" -- obviously they weren't talking about voting for a Clinton! In Hawaii Asian Americans voted correctly for a change!!!

It will take a very long time to count all the scraps of paper, much less verify each is a registered Dem or qualified to vote. But if Barack gets less than 80 or even 90 percent of the vote, I won't believe it!


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