Always searching for the next great idea to keep America the pristine for-white-Christian-straight-dudes-only nation Jesus intended, Republicans in the House and Senate are pushing for a law to tweak the 14th Amendment just a tad:


Rep. Steve King is leading a controversial push in Congress to repeal a longstanding American policy that grants citizenship to any child born in the United States--even those born to undocumented parents.

The Iowa Republican and his Louisana colleague Sen. David Vitter have introduced matching birthright citizenship bills that would deny citizenship at birth unless at least one parent is either a U.S. citizen, a "lawfully admitted" permanent resident, or someone who has otherwise served in the U.S. military. King's bill so far has 22 cosponsors, all Republicans.

That's cool. It's not what the 14th Amendment says, but sure, why not? When Republicans came up with this idea to expand their numbers by counting anyone born on American soil as a citizen, they obviously didn't mean anyone born on American soil. Duh. Thankfully, Rep. King was available this week to explain the intent of the Grand Ol' Party of yore, during a House Judiciary subcommittee hearing on his bill:

The 14th Amendment, King told the panel, “did not contemplate that anyone who would sneak into the United States and have a baby would have automatic citizenship conferred on them.” Added King, “I’d suggest it’s our job here in this Congress to decide who will be citizens, not someone in a foreign country that can sneak into the United States and have a baby and then go home with the birth certificate.”

We'd suggest to King that Congress did decide who will be citizens, with that whole constitutional amendment that says "All persons born or naturalized in the United States." And because we know that the Constitution means exactly what it says and can never be changed because that would make the corpses of our Founding Fathers spin and weep, it is UNPOSSIBLE to believe that is not exactly what was meant when the 14th Amendment was ratified in 1868. Also, too, if you want to amend the Constitution, you are supposed to amend it, not just tweak it with a bill, and why do Republicans hate the sanctity of traditional Constitution-amending?

Shut up, don't ask, they have bigger problems to address, like all these "anchor babies" sneaking across our borders in their mothers' brown bellies. And look! Republicans even found some "experts" to testify to the subcommittee about why it is TOTALLY FOR REAL legal and constitutional and necessary and not dickish to correct this obvious error in the 14th Amendment. Like this guy, University of Texas professor Lino Graglia:

This would be the Lino Graglia who caused a furor in 1997 when he said that Latinos and African Americans are “not academically competitive with whites” and come from a “culture that seems not to encourage achievement.” He also said at the time that “I don’t know that it’s good for whites to be with the lower classes.” [...]

And this is the very same Lino Graglia whose nomination for a federal judgeship in the 1980s fell apart amid allegations that he had urged Austin residents to defy a court-ordered busing plan and had used the racist word “pickaninny” in the classroom.

But shut up some more, because that was a long time ago, and Graglia's long history of being a racist piece of fuck has nothing to do with his current racist agenda to keep White Americans segregated and safe from those lesser, dumber beings.

Rep. Zoe Lofgren (D-Calif) mentioned Graglia’s “pickaninny” comment and his position on busing. After Lofgren’s time expired, Graglia blurted out: “Your bringing up . . . this alleged statement of ‘pickaninny’ is in the nature of slur. I don’t know why you’re bringing up these insulting things that have nothing to do with” his testimony.

Charming. We can see why King and his anti-immigrant pals would think Professor Graglia is the perfect guy to argue why we need to put a stop to these immigrant babies, sneakily making themselves Americans according to the Constitution, in violation of the what the Constitution ought to say instead.

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And that is why King and the 22 Republicans cosponsoring his bill are dedicated to cleaning up the mess their GOP ancestors left them, simply because they could not have imagined there would come a day when non-Americans would want to come here to murder us worse than 9/11, with their scary un-American diseases and cantaloupe-sized calves.

[National Journal / WaPo]

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