Republicans Crapping Themselves Just In Case Hillary Clinton Decides To President Us In 2016


Hillary Clinton has not actually decided that she would like to president us in 2016 (cough yet cough), but that does not mean it is too early for Republicans to crap themselves just in case. They tried to derail her by saying that she personally travelgated to Benghazi, Cuba, to personally murder some 'Mericans personally like that time she lesbianed Vince Foster to death personally. But that did not work because no one who is capable of finding Benghazi on a map actually thinks it is the worst scandal since ever or that she is to blame anyway. Damnit, America, why do you hate America?

So now Republicans will have to defeat Hillary Clinton with a new talking point that is most definitely going to work:

The 2016 election may be far off, but one theme is becoming clear: Republican strategists and presidential hopefuls, in ways subtle and overt, are eager to focus a spotlight on Mrs. Clinton’s age.

Oh, sorry, did you need a moment to recover from DYING OF LAUGHTER? Go ahead, take your time.

Better now? Because, yeah, the party that not so long ago nominated John "Older Than Dirt" McCain to lose to Barack Obama is apparently serious about this HILLARY CLINTON IS OLD!!! strategy. Stuart Stevens -- one of the uber-geniuses in charge of sinking Mitt Romney in 2012 because he thought Clint Eastwood losing a debate to an empty chair was an awesome idea and what could possibly go wrong? -- even said, "She’s been around since the ’70s." OH, SNAP!

Bless their pointy little heads and shriveled black hearts for trying to preemptively take out the woman who kicked the crap out of a freakin' blood clot in her own brain because she is THAT BADASS. She hasn't even said that she will run yet. But when -- sorry, we mean if of course wink wink -- she DOES decide that yes, she will president us, it's not like screaming BENGHAZI!!!! and YOU ARE SO OLD!!!! will do the trick. After all, she wins all the polls without even trying. Republicans have absolutely no one who poses even the slightest of threats to her. Rand Paul? Nope. Marco Rubio? Hells nope. George Dubya Bush's slightly less stupid brother? Puh-lease.

They got nothin'. They got no one. She's not even a candidate (see above re yet), and they're already scraping the bottom of the barrel o' desperation. Just imagine what kind of "We're rubber, you're glue" grade-school level malarkey they'll have to reach for when -- sorry, sorry, IF -- she actually decides she'd like to live in the White House again. Just don't die laughing too hard when you imagine it because she'll need your votes when -- sorry, sorry, IF -- well, you know.



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