Republicans On House Armed Services Committee Helped Obama Murder Benghazi, Probably


In a development that will shut up exactly no one, the Republicans on the House Armed Services Committeereleased a report on BENGHAAAAAAZI!!! knocking down yet another conspiracy-theory talking point: that on the night of the attack U.S. military forces were given an order to “stand down,” thus preventing them from rushing headlong into the fight and saving the day, G.I. Joe-style. This is a great disappointment to the Chickenhawk Caucus of wingnut bloggers, whose panties are perpetually moist over their fantasies of sending other people blundering into dangerous combat environments while they sit at home jerking off and playing “Call of Duty.”

That the president told the military to “stand down” while the consulate in Benghazi was under attack has been a shibboleth for wingnuts everywhere, along with the debunked “Nobama never called it a terrorist attack,” “Susan Rice lied,” “No one was ever held accountable,” and god knows what else the knuckle-draggers have dredged up from the depths of their febrile minds. This new report clarifies things a bit.

The report found that there had been no order given to a six-man military group based in Tripoli to “stand down” rather than rush to Benghazi, but rather that the majority of the group was ordered to stay in the Libyan capital to combat possible threats there.

The Pentagon was concerned that the Benghazi attack was part of a larger, coordinated effort to hit U.S. targets across Libya, and that taking security resources out of Tripoli would make assets there more vulnerable. Which is reasonable!

The committee also determined that U.S. military assets were not close enough to make it to Benghazi in time to affect the outcome of the attacks, and contrary to rumors, there were no armed drones or AC-130 gunships nearby to hop over and unleash hell on the crowds swarming the consulate. This of course tracks with what military people have been saying in sworn testimony over and over and over.

The report does blame the White House and State Department for not putting stronger security in place at the consulate before the attacks, a conclusion already reached by a Senate committee and which shouldn’t be controversial anyway, since the attack succeeding in the first place was pretty strong proof that security had not been strong enough.

None of this will satisfy everyone’s favorite Canadian anchor babby, old Halifax Ted Cruz, who was quick to hop on Gretchen Carlson’s Televised Abyss of Nothingness to demand, yet again, that Congress appoint a joint committee to really investigate Benghazi and get to the bottom of things. Because maybe yet another committee will turn up audio recordings of President Obama taking a break from a gay coke orgy to put on his Cobra Commander helmet and pop into the White House Situation Room to personally give the order to let the guys in the consulate die because he secretly hates America. Besides, if this controversy gets laid to rest, what will Bill O’Reilly have to talk to Obama about during his next Super Bowl interview?



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