Republicans To Make Eric Holder Attorney General For Life To Teach Democrats A Lesson

Aren't Republicans supposed to hate Attorney General Eric Holder with every molecule of their rotten beings because of how he has done all that race warring and fast-and-furiousing and being black while being black? Yes, that's what we thought too. But even though Holder has been trying to quit his job, Senate Republicans just won't let him. Those guys are so fickle, aren't they?

On Sunday, Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell said on CNN that gosh, he sure would love to get around to confirming Loretta Lynch, President Obama's nominee since November to replace Holder, like he said he would do this week, but McConnell is terrible at time management and keeps having to put it off. And shucks, looks like he'll have to un-pencil that in -- again:

Before the Senate considers Lynch's nomination, McConnell wants the Senate to pass the Justice for Victims of Trafficking Act. The bill, which would establish a fund for victims of human trafficking, had bipartisan support until Democrats learned it contained language that restricted federal funds for abortion. Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid (D-Nev.) has said the bill will not pass as long as it contains the language.

"I had hoped to turn to her next week, but if we can't finish the trafficking bill, she will be put off again," McConnell said, referring to Lynch, on CNN's "State of the Union."

So McConnell has no choice but to continue holding Lynch's nomination hostage until Democrats agree to support something totally unrelated that had been uncontroversial and bipartisan, until Republicans decided they simply could not resist the temptation to cram an off-topic anti-abortion restriction all up in there because they are addicts like that. Perhaps he should also try holding his breath until he turns blue.

Minority Leader Harry Reid's spokesdude Adam Jentleson tweeted on Sunday, "No reason Sen. McConnell can't confirm Lynch this week, regardless of the status of the trafficking bill. Senate can do 2 things at once." But we beg to differ, sir, because in our years of observation, the Senate can rarely manage to get a single thing done at once, let alone multitasking.

So now the Justice for Victims of Trafficking Act, which was supposed to be McConnell's safety bill -- the one that, unlike all those other never-gonna-pass bills he has since realized aren't even worth trying to bring to the floor for a vote, was going to make him look like he was actually capable of accomplishing something -- has turned into a fresh new hellish headache for the man who was going to show us all how REAL Senate leadership works. So McConnell fails, AGAIN, at passing legislation and continues to be stuck with the attorney general Republicans supposedly cannot wait to be free of.

Good plan, Senator. GREAT plan. Please do let us know how that works for you.



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