Rhode Island Is #1 ... In Drugs!


Only three types of human come from Rhode Island: Portuguese people; descendants of fancy old-money white people with comical names like "Claiborne"; and dope fiends. A new study proves it!

Rhode Island is officially the state with the highest rate of illicit drug use, which is sort of sad when you consider it also has one of the highest unemployment rates. But with no work to do, how else is a person going to pass the time? Plus! Rhode Island's convenient location along the I-95 corridor between Boston and New York -- combined with its relatively mild summer climate and pleasant beaches -- makes it the perfect place to stop off and do some blow.

“It’s a challenge we have been facing for some time now,” said Craig Stenning, director of the Rhode Island Department of Mental Health, Retardation and Hospitals, which oversees substance-abuse treatment. Rhode Island was also ranked number one for illicit drug use in the previous survey, conducted in 2005 and 2006.

[...] “The accessibility of drugs and alcohol is certainly much higher [here] than in the Midwest where you have to travel 20 to 30 miles,” Stenning said. “Availability is always documented by law enforcement to be much higher in this state.”

Yay Rhode Island, land of dreams and miserably high taxes and one of the weirdest accents this side of Pittsburgh.

R.I. has highest rate of illicit drug use, survey finds [Providence Journal]


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