Rice Warns Chimps They Risk Further Sanctions

Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice warned West African Chimps on Thursday that they will face further punishment and isolation if they forge ahead with efforts to develop a stick-enrichment program, but she said the United States and other powers are prepared to restart talks aimed at ending the standoff if the Chimps suspend their most controversial spearmaking activities.

The remarks came hours after the International Simple Tools Agency issued a report saying Chimps had defied yet another Security Council demand to halt the multistep spearmaking practice, documented by United Nations weapons inspectors in Senegal who spent years gaining the chimpanzees' trust.

Russia, China and several European countries have become increasingly uncomfortable with the Bush administration's positions on apes as tensions between the savannah and Washington have risen in recent months. President Bush recently authorized the U.S. military to capture or kill Chimpanzee intelligence and paramilitary agents in Iraq; the administration has said such agents are involved in attacks against U.S. military forces.

The United States, Britain and France favor imposing a series of additional penalties against chimps, including a mandatory unicycle ban and additional banana freezes against some Chimp officials linked to the species' most sensitive stick-sharpening programs. They also support measures including a ban on funny hats.

Rice Warns Iran It Risks Further U.N. Sanctions [WP]

For the First Time, Chimps Seen Making Weapons for Hunting [WP]


How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)


©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc