Former Texas governor and current "presidential candidate" Rick Perry is talking out of both sides of his butthole (each side featuring perfectly coiffed hair) when it comes to Obamacare. He's agin' it, of course, and it needs to be repealed. But he also doesn't want people to lose their health insurance, if the Supreme Court rules, in King v. Burwellthat because of six little words and a technicality, the subsidies provided by the Affordable Care Act, which provide millions with health insurance, are unconstitutional. Wonder why he doesn't want folks to lose their insurance, HUH. Maybe because if millions of people suddenly lose their coverage, they'll blame it on Republicans, and people like Perry will REALLY never be president.

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Out of one side of his butthole, Perry remarked on what in God's name to do if the GOP's latest, dumbest Obamacare suit actually ends up gutting the law:

“I think you have to have a transition period. I can’t think of any other way to do this that’s thoughtful,” Perry told RealClearPolitics in an interview. “We moved a long way when this thing became law. You don’t turn around a huge ship just overnight. It takes a transition period. I think most Americans, whether they’re strict conservatives economically, would find that to be out of the realm of appropriate.”

See? It'll all be fine, and then Rick Perry will be elected president in 2016, and he can do that whole "repeal and replace" thing the GOP keeps talking about. Surely, whatever free-market solution they come up with will be SO much better than Obamacare. They'll probably just give some tax cuts to the rich and (wink wink) hope they inspire America's 1 percent to trickle some insurance down on the poors. But don't take away those people's  healthcare now, that's not part of THE PLAN!

But look here, when he talks out of the other butthole, we learn that it really doesn't matter if poors don't have health insurance, because that's not how you "keep score" on how good you are at doing healthcare. Perry went on the "Fox News Sunday" program, and host Chris Wallace said hey, Rick Perry, you know when you were governor, "More than 1 in 5 Texans didn't have health coverage," and doesn't this mean that you suckity suck and should shut right up?

"If how you keep score is how many people you force to buy insurance, well, then I would say that's how you keep score," Perry opined. "We make access to health care the real issue, we passed the most sweeping tort reform in the nation."

"I understand that, sir, but don't you -- you were the governor for 14 years -- don't you feel some responsibility when 21 percent of the people in your state didn't have health insurance?" Wallace pressed.

"That's not how we keep score," Perry insisted. "I think it's a fallacy to say access to health care is all about insurance. What we happen to say in the state of Texas is we're going to try to make accessible as we can good quality health care."

Now that's a better Republican! It's not about whether those yucky folks at the bottom have health insurance, it's about whether the Good People who can afford it are able to get good care. Perry knows from doing the Texas governor gig that the poors don't even WANT health insurance, not if it takes away their freedom and liberty! Better dead (of a completely preventable disease) than tyrannied, right?

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And we already HAD good quality health care in US America before Obama ruined everything, even if our system was known to bankrupt the hell out of people, including many who had health insurance and decent incomes. But that probably only happened because people failed to pull their IVs and feeding tubes up by the bootstraps and find a way to pay for it, because they were too busy having IVs and feeding tubes and medical emergencies in general. LAZY FUCKERS.

Don't you guys want to vote Republican in 2016 now, so you can keep your healthcare until Rick Perry is inaugurated, at which point you will lose it, because that's not how you keep score? Sign us up!

[RealClearPolitics / Crooks & Liars via Talking Points Memo]


Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.


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