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Rick Perry Will Cancel Air Travel In Texas To Keep TSA Hands Off His Butt

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It is Election Season, which means that every legislative agenda item across America is now required to pointlessly pander to everyone's weirdest fears by passing laws against stupid things like "saying Sharia Law while riding an escalator" or "explaining to children that gay people exist." But Texas, because it is Bigger at Everything, wants to do "unconstitutional" for extra points. Gov. Rick Perry has taken an abandoned state law banning TSA pat-downs andput it back on a special legislative session agenda that only he gets to create, even though a U.S. Attorney sent a letter to lawmakers warning that they are not allowed to block federal law and let terrorists fly on planes just because Rick Perry is afraid of someone touching his butt.


Perry is under pressure from paranoid wingnut Tea Party people to prohibit TSA pat-downs, which at some point here is going to devolve into "let's just allow people to bring guns on airplanes to stop the FURRINERS from getting on the flights." This will be Rick Perry's 2016 campaign platform.

From Reuters:

"I am grateful that the governor heard the calls of the people demanding that lawmakers stand up for the liberties of Texans," Wesley Strackbein, a conservative activist and founder of TSATyranny.com, told Reuters. Strackbein said he traveled to the Republican Leadership Conference in New Orleans over the weekend to confront Perry on the issue.

The bill would make it a Class A misdemeanor -- punishable by up to a year in prison or a $4,000 fine -- for a TSA agent to "touch the anus, sexual organ, buttocks, or breast of another person, even through that person's clothing" for the purpose of "granting access to a building or a form of transportation."

If Texas lawmakers pass such a bill, the TSA will be forced to ground all planes trying to fly out of Texas until someone goes, "eh, supremacy clause, you morons, read the Constitution." On the other hand, there will be an airborne wall around Texas, which is not anyone's worst nightmare. [Reuters]

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Surprise, everybody! As we suspected, the Trump administration knew about the horrifying family domestic abuse stories in Patrick Shanahan's history, and they were trying to push through his Defense Secretary nomination anyway. We didn't assume they knew because the Trump administration is so very good at vetting people -- it clearly isn't. But, considering the enormity of the story, the question that kept bothering us yesterday when the Shanahan news broke was HOW IN THE HELL DID THEY THINK THIS WOULD STAY SECRET?

CBS News reports:

President Trump said as he departed for Florida Tuesday that he had only learned of Shanahan's family issues for the first time "yesterday."

But that is apparently a lie, or at least we should assume it's a lie, because we should always assume Trump is lying about each and every thing he says, in general. Anyway, whether El Dipshit was personally told, Trump admin people say ayup, they knew all about it:

One senior administration official told CBS News the White House was aware of the incident involving Shanahan's son, but didn't know about the 2010 confrontation. Another official said the White House knew about the 2011 incident dating back to when Bill Shine was White House communications director.

In case you need a quick refresher, the "2010 confrontation" is alleged domestic violence between Shanahan and his ex-wife, whose name is now Kimberley Jordinson, which was detailed in their divorce papers. (The ex-wife was arrested, not Shanahan.) The "2011 incident" is the one where Shanahan's 17-year-old son beat the shit out of his mom -- that same ex-wife -- with a baseball bat and left her in a pool of her own blood, and Daddy appears to have gone to great lengths to cover it up.

As CBS reports, some senators have been very curious as to why they were never informed of this way back in 2017, when Shanahan was nominated to be the deputy secretary of Defense. (He was confirmed.) Did the White House know then? Did Shanahan conceal it from everybody? Is that where the White House vetting process -- which is, again, just awesome, obviously -- went all wrong?

Or does the Trump administration just not think the nominee getting mutually fisticuffy with his wife, and trying to mount a coverup for his son when that son bludgeoned that wife with a baseball bat, is so bad, especially when you are trying to staff your administration with The Best People?

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