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Rick Perry's Rumored Adventures In Gay Sex, Now in Book Form!

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Biblehumper bozo barbie Rick Perry has been annoying everyone lately with his truly awful attempts to prove to the Jesus People contingent that he deserves to rule the country for his Tex-ass tuff talk on gays in the military, so it's fitting and timely that openly gay former Texas legislator Glen Maxey (a Democrat, we said "openly") has just released a hilarious new book-form collection of the many sordid rumors indicating that Rick Perry may just be the most monstrously self-loathing closeted old queen in America. Sneak peek "revelation" from the book: some guy who claims he had anonymous sex with Perry says the hair monster has a small penis!


Gawker's John Cook brings us this money-quote excerpt from the book:

The [Craigslist] posting asked for someone willing to unlock the door, turn off the lights, and lie face-down on the bed, legs spread. [Texas real estate agent] James replied to the ad, and did as instructed. As he lay on his bed in the dark, James heard someone struggling to open the door. Shielding his eyes, he ran out and opened the door.... "He jerked down his shorts," [James said], "It lasted about a minute. He had a little dick. It was the worst fuck of my life. And on top of it all he stunk because he had been jogging. He then pulled up his shorts and put the used condom in his pocket."

As the mystery man tried to leave James' apartment, he struggled with the front door, which had a tendency to jam. The man started yelling for James to help him.... As James opened it...his face was illuminated, and seen by James for the first time.

"Oh my God," thought James. "I just got fucked by Rick Perry!"

So yes, all RUMORS no one can prove of course, but to be cautious: hide your corn dogs, kids. We certainly know they aren't safe around Rick Perry. [Gawker]

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It was bound to happen. We're now watching Republican congressmen react to Donald Trump sitting in the Oval Office and saying "RUSSIA IF YOU'RE LISTENING" during an interview with George Stephanopoulos, literally inviting hostile foreign powers to attack the 2020 election for him like Russia did in 2016. And if you thought there wouldn't be at least one of them to say the quiet part loud and state for the record that crime is good if it helps Republicans win, then you haven't been paying attention to the Republican party in quite a while.

Enter GOP Rep. Chris Stewart of Utah, who sits on the House Intelligence Committee, AKA the committee whose members really should know better, even the Republicans, but unfortunately they don't because A) they're idiots and B) they've been sucking at Devin Nunes's dairy cows' teats (ALLEGEDLY) for too long:

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