Rick Santorum Has Learned Lessons of 2012: If He Had Won, He Wouldn't Have Lost

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Rick Santorum has given it a lot of thought, andhe's figured out that if the true results of the 2012 Iowa Caucus had been reported right away, he'd have been the guy to win the Not Romney Sweepstakes, get the nomination, and lose to Barack Obama.


“Had he lost Iowa, then the air of invincibility would’ve been dashed,” Santorum said of his opponent. “Of course, we had a great week raising money, but it wasn’t the same, had we won. If we’d won, I would’ve been on every show the next day, and Time magazine might have had me on the cover. Things like that would’ve really changed the whole thing.”

That is some A+++ logic right there (the math science of words), would logic with Rick Santorum again! So does this mean he's going to step aside from making awful movies (teaser: review coming soon!) and run again? He's definitely been giving it some thought, because now he's whatchacall "seasoned." Or past his sell-by date, or something.

Now that he's a Known Known, Santorum has the advantage, he says, of not having to introduce himself everywhere he goes:

“Before, when I ran, it was just go out there and run and do the best you can and try to break through, and go to every state where they’ll pay attention to you so you can get some coverage,” he explained. “I don’t think that’s the case anymore, so obviously, if we decided to do this again, we’d do it differently than we did the first time.”

So instead of having to explain who he is, next time around he can spend his time trying to explain why he is the way he is (Jesus) and why he doesn't want women to be such hoors (Jesus) and why he objects to the young folks learning too much in college (he is dumb as fuck, plus Jesus).

Santorum isn't too worried that his hardline anti-vagina political views might hurt him in a potential 2016 bid, because honestly, screw "issues," mang, that is something that only the elites care about, and he has already made it clear he does not care for those Snooty McSnootertons:

“There’s this fixation, particularly in the media – and, I would argue, among those establishment types -- that people vote for candidates primarily based on issues,” he said. “And that may be true in some campaigns -- maybe for Senate and House, primarily -- but for president, they vote on a lot of things. They vote on leadership and authenticity and sincerity and trust and likeability. They don’t go down a checklist and say, ‘Oh, if I agree with this guy on issues more than I agree with that guy on issues, I’m for him.’”

See, he's gonna run on how "authentic" he is. We aren't entirely sure how successful that's going to be, because Rick Santorum is such an authentically assholish kind of person. In any case, he's pretty sure that the road to success in 2016 is paved with Obamacare, because, he says, Republicans just never talked about it as much as they should have, plus Mitt Romney couldn't credibly bash his own successful insurance program in Massachusetts:

“Of course we knew this all along, and we didn’t talk about it because we didn’t have a candidate who could talk about it,” he replied. “So for all of these ‘really smart’ establishment Republicans, they’re really dumb when it comes to figuring out what issues we need to run on and have the candidate who’s best to run on them.”

What the GOP really needs is a candidate like Rick Santorum, who has no connections at all to a successful insurance reform program, thus enabling him to lie as much as necessary.

[RealClearPolitics]

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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