Gov. Rick Scott Offers California Businesses Cheap-Ass Florida Workers At Bargain Basement Prices
Florida Governor Rick "Voldemort" Scott is touring California, following the state's decision to raise the minimum wage to $15 over the course of seven years, in hopes of luring businesses to Florida. The pitch? You can pay our workers less! Because Floridians are far less valuable than Californians, and thus just not as deserving of wages they can actually live off of!
In an interview discussing Florida's worthless workforce, Scott explained “My goal, one-hundred percent, is to get individuals and companies to move to Florida. By raising the minimum wage in California, 700,000 people are going to lose their jobs, there are a lot of opportunities for companies to prosper in Florida and compete here and that’s what I’m going after.”
True, and by the time seven years rolls around, Florida's stagnated minimum wage will probably be about a dollar less in purchasing power! Because of inflation! Blue light special, AISLE FLORIDA.
Of course, an actual study conducted on the effects of a minimum wage hike in Los Angeles showed that there actually would not be any job loss! Why? Because giving people more to spend will mean other companies will make more money selling stuff to them, and probably need to hire even more people to keep up with demand.
Also, keeping wages low won't prevent companies from deciding to replace workers with robots or automated check-points if they are able to, as an ad Gov. Scott is running in California claims. The thing with that is that businesses don't actually hire more than the bare minimum of employees they need -- or opt out of replacing them with robots -- regardless of how cheap they come!
Oh, and most businesses that pay the minimum wage are fast food restaurants and retail stores, which are probably not actually all that likely to pick up and move to Florida, just to save a few bucks on bargain basement workers. Does Florida need more Burger Kings and Walmarts or something? What "businesses" does Rick Scott think he is going to attract? And why would they go to Florida when so many people aren't being paid enough to spend money there?
Not that any of that really matters or anything! The point is that Rick Scott believes Florida workers are less deserving of a living wage than California workers are, and hopes that this will entice businesses to come to Florida and take advantage of that.
[wonkbar][/wonkbar]Gov. Scott has dedicated at least 90% of his time in office to letting Florida voters know how little they deserve, like the time he shut down the Florida government when the Federal Government actually tried to give him MONEY to pay for poor people's health care. Or that time he signed a "Water Policy" bill that was far more beneficial to business owners and industry than to regular citizens -- and which let the citizens of Florida foot the bill for the pollution caused by said businesses!
You see, even though they may not be as valuable as California minimum-wage workers, or as able to stave off preventable illnesses, Floridians are at least not selfish as California minimum wage workers. They are PATRIOTS. Patriots who are willing to sacrifice their own comfort for that of the greater good. Just like during WWII when people had rations! They are more than happy to forego a living wage, health care, clean water -- whatever it takes to ensure that these "job creators" are able to live their best lives. And someday, perhaps those same "job creators" will express their gratitude by sending an Edible Arrangement to the break room or something. And isn't that what America is all about?
Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Previously, she was a Senior Staff Writer at Death & Taxes, and Assistant Editor at The Frisky (RIP). Currently, she writes for Wonkette, Friendly Atheist, Quartz and other sites. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse