Conspiracy Theories

LOOKS LIKE 8Kun/8Chan Owner Scamming The Hell Out Of QAnon Idiots On His Site

His QAnon PAC is running ads on 8Kun.

Jim Watkins is a middle-aged veteran who runs a pig farm in the Philippines. He is also the current owner of 8kun, formerly 8chan, home of mass shooter manifestos and the world's stupidest conspiracy theory, QAnon. Earlier this year, Watkins went and helped to start Disarm The Deep State, a QAnon PAC meant to identify candidates sympathetic to "The Great Awakening" and support them. Conveniently, the website for this PAC lists all of these politicians so that we can all know who not to support. Or, rather, which candidates to make fun of, because they're all Republicans so obviously we wouldn't be supporting them anyway.

Aside from believing in the QAnon bullshit, the PAC believes in getting rid of the Deep State, instituting term limits, getting rid of the Deep State, more government transparency, and getting rid of the Deep State. Mostly just getting rid of the Deep State, which they are very opposed to. How they plan to do that with "the Deep State" not really being a real thing, no one can tell.

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Ammon Bundy Doesn't Find Any 'Rona In HIS US Constitution

Did the Founding Fathers believe in germ theory? THEY DID NOT.

Ammon Bundy, leader of the Y'all Qaeda militia that took over the Malheur National Wildlife Refuge in 2016 to preserve liberty and get lots of attention for fringe radical groups that want to overthrow the government, just wants you all to know that there is no "public health" in the US Constitution, just as there is no "public land," either. That's why last week Bundy held a "town hall" in a commercial building he owns in Emmett, Idaho, to announce that Idaho Gov. Brad Little's stay-at-home order was unconstitutional and very bad. And because it's Ammon Bundy, you know damn well he promised to get the ol' Vanilla ISIS dildo militia together again and lead an armed resistance to defend anyone who wanted to defy the order, too. But that would only be if the government forced him to, by doing something he didn't like.

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Class War

Nothing Makes Ben Shapiro Madder Than Capitalism Working For Poor People

Why aren’t striking workers grateful for the opportunity to die while delivering his groceries?

Ben Shapiro, who is Ben Shapiro's idea of a smart person, is very disappointed with Amazon workers who are striking for better pay and working conditions. They aren't patriots! The true patriots during this time of crisis are people like Ben Shapiro, who can remain comfortably at home while Amazon and Instacart magically deliver everything he needs for his survival.

Shapiro sees a moral distinction between striking because of “bad worker pay" and striking because you “want more money." He believes this is an intelligent point that he made.

SHAPIRO: I'm sorry. Everyone else lost their job. Everyone else lost their damn job.

Not you, though, Mr. Shapiro. You're still paid to perform this rightwing dog and pony act for us. Broadway theaters went dark. "The Flash" shut down production, but "The Ben Shapiro Show" keeps on trucking. It's the cockroach in our nuclear winter of entertainment options.

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How Much 'Handmaid's Tale' Sh*t Are Red States Doing To Ban Abortion In The Time Of Coronavirus?

Far be it from these assholes to let a good crisis go to waste.

Republicans can just never resist an opportunity to try to control women's bodies, so governors in five states have already used the COVID-19 pandemic as an excuse to try to close their state's abortion clinics.

Last week, governors in Texas, Iowa, Oklahoma, Alabama, and Ohio issued similar executive orders suspending all "nonessential medical procedures," including abortions. Even ignoring the fact that every abortion is essential to a woman seeking to get it, whether for medical or other reasons, this is complete and utter bullshit. All of these states also have laws on the books limiting when in their pregnancies women can get abortions, so really this is just another attempt at forcing women to give birth against their will

Thankfully, Planned Parenthood, the Center for Reproductive Rights, and the ACLU exist and have sued these fuckers for violating Roe v. Wade and that pesky little thing called the US Constitution.

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Hey 'Pro-Life' People! Would You Mind Trying Not To Kill Us All?


Everyone I know, probably everyone you know, is doing their best to keep at home, observing social distancing, washing their hands, making a lot of sourdough bread, etc. Some are making masks, others are participating in mutual aid societies, others are getting groceries for older and immuno-compromised people and generally doing whatever they can to not only get through this, but to help other people get through this as well.

But outside our bubbles, I guess you could say, there are those dying to tempt fate — like our friend Rev. Rodney Howard-Browne, getting arrested for trying to hold giant church services during the pandemic. Or Diamond and Silk just asking questions and suggesting that alllllllllll of the doctors could be lying about the numbers of people infected and dying, just to make Trump look bad and prevent him from getting to see churches packed full of people.

Or this dingbat saying he wants to have a Christian Woodstock on Easter.

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Who Needs Dr. Fauci When You Have Dr. Diamond And Dr. Silk?

Who's even dying of coronavirus? Let's ask these experts!

Gather 'round, don a lab coat and hold your favorite Bunsen burner tight, it's time for #CoronaChat with known science experts Diamond and Silk!

Did you learn some science in that video of Diamond and Silk? Good!

In case you cannot watch it, the information they imparted was very #publichealth. Silk said that "my president" Donald Trump wanted to open the country up by Easter. "I knew this was going to happen! He said this was going to happen!," exclaimed Diamond. "Instantaneously!" added Silk, without completing her thought. Silk told Diamond, "Now watch the numbers of deaths go up," so the media could hurt Donald Trump, by reporting a lot of new coronavirus deaths. "And! And! And!" added Silk, America is now number one for coronavirus cases! QED!

Clearly, they are just wondering if all of these deaths are a fake news scam, to destroy Trump.

Like we said, science.

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fox news

Fox News Idiots Not Sure People Even In Hospital With Coronavirus, SAYS WHO?


Remember how Wonkette was just saying Fox News is being a little bit more careful about spreading lies about coronavirus, now that Donald Trump is pretending to take it more seriously for a minute? OK, well that lasted nine seconds, which, to be fair, is a new record for Fox.

During a panel discussion about "groupthink" about coronavirus — you know, all the things the libs obviously don't want you to know! — led by the stupidest Fox News anchor with a British accent, Steve Hilton, they discussed the possibility, based on something somebody saw on Twitter, that hospitals are ACTUALLY empty, but the Deep State doesn't want you to know that, obviously.

But the discussion was more than that, so let's dive into the stupid for a sec. Transcript courtesy of Media Matters:

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Right Wing Extremism

Neo-Confederate Group Invites Members To Big Party, Include It In Their Wills

The League of the South is really working both ends of this pandemic.

Has anyone noticed lately that all of the idiots going around trying to hold church services and "coronaparties" and conventions and trying to downplay the seriousness of COVID-19 just so happen to be idiots of the rightwing variety? It's as if they all have a death wish and collectively decided that mass shootings, lack of health care, and destroying the planet weren't going to kill us all off fast enough, and see this new plague as an opportunity to git 'er done.

Keeping with this, the Southern Poverty Law Center reports that Michael Hill, the founder and president of the Alabama-based neo-Confederate white nationalist group League of the South, has announced on the group's website that he will be holding a convention for members in June, coronavirus or no coronavirus.

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Spirit Of Lord Moving Through Liberty University, Just Kidding It's Coronavirus

Jerry Falwell Jr. is one dumb motherfucker.

Over the past few weeks, pretty much every institution of higher learning in America started to realize dorms and college campuses are really effective incubators for worldwide plagues, and canceled their classes at least until the end of the year. Meanwhile, Jerry Falwell Jr.'s Liberty University, which is ... not an institution of higher learning, not really ... decided it would be fine to let kids come back to campus, and require professors to do so. Don't worry, they're doing online classes! And we can't imagine what kinds of virus mutations are happening on the floors in the dorm bathrooms, but SHHHH, IT'S FINE.

You'll never guess what happened next, it is the twist you never saw coming. The doctor who runs the health department at Liberty, Thomas Eppes, told Falwell that they couldn't control coronavirus, but didn't say not to bring the little Bible-spouting disease vectors back. "I just am not going to be so presumptuous as to say, 'This is what you should do and this is what you shouldn't do,'" Eppes told the New York Times.

And because Jerry Falwell Jr. is not a smart man, he was unable to come to the obvious and correct decision on his own. And then the murders began, etc.

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Conspiracy Theories

Rush Limbaugh So Mad At Deep State Coronavirus Liars Like Dr. Fauci, He Just Might Die!

In which we invent the word 'corona-lingus.' Click for proper definition and to see it used in a sentence!

Rush Limbaugh is telling your Republican parents that it's cool to go outside and play right now, because the so-called "experts" in the White House are actually just Deep State plants sent (probably by Hillary Clinton) to make Donald Trump look bad.

You know, Rush Limbaugh has advanced lung cancer and he's not dead yet -- clearly -- but if he keeps going like this, ignoring the actual science about coronavirus, he might end up killing himself at least seven minutes before God planned to, and he might take a bunch of his old-balls-ass listeners with him in the process.

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Right Wing Extremism

Neo-Nazi Attempted Hospital Bomber Was In Communication With Neo-Nazi Attempted News Station Bomber

Reportedly, they had some chats about building IEDs.

On Tuesday, 36-year-old aspiring neo-Nazi terrorist Timothy Wilson decided that it would be a really, really good idea for him to go bomb a Kansas City medical facility currently housing COVID-19 cases. Having most of what he needed, he headed out to Belton, Missouri, to pick up what he thought was a car bomb, only to be greeted by FBI agents. Predictably, Wilson did not go gently, there was a shootout, and he suffered injuries he later died from. In a hospital.

It turned out that the FBI had been watching Wilson for over a year; he'd come up on their radar due to communications between him and Jarrett William Smith, another neo-Nazi who had been arrested back in September for his plans to bomb a major American news network and assassinate Beto O'Rourke. While the FBI was investigating Smith, they found discussions between him and Wilson on how to build an IED.

Smith was an active Army soldier — though he did not join the military until after he had been radicalized and expressed his desire to go to Ukraine to fight along side the Azov Battalion, a far-right military group known for committing war crimes and being Nazis.

Wilson's goal was, essentially, to "capitalize" on the coronavirus outbreak — causing even more devastation by bombing a medical facility where people with the virus were staying. The FBI suggests that there may be more neo-Nazis out there looking to do this, but doubt that any are planning anything as severe as what Wilson was planning.

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Right Wing Extremism

And Now, Your Daily Dispatch From The Fox News/Rightwing Coronavirus Death Cult!

There is something terribly wrong with these people.

As COVID-19 continues to spread among the population, so too does the weird outbreak of Little Man Syndrome nihilism on the American Right, particularly among men. You know, the same types of dumbfucking small-dicked men who thinks it's really awesome when idiots open-carry their penis-guns at the Chili's, just to prove that they can. Those trucks in the parking lot with the oversized tires and the "No Fear" bumper stickers? Be still their bathing suit regions!

Did you know that if you are scared of a few million people dying of coronavirus, you probably love the Nazis too? That's what right-wing pundit idiot Dennis Prager — who still, thoughts and prayers, is probably very upset that he's not allowed to say the "N"-word — thinks about coronavirus. Don't you understand that this is WAR? Well, if you're not willing to do WAR on coronavirus, you probably wouldn't have even done WAR to the Nazis, and in WAR people die, like common warriors! (As far as we can tell, Dennis Prager has never done "war.")

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Conspiracy Theories

QAnon Idiots Think Quarantined Celebs Are Using Videos To Send Secret Messages About Eating Babies

And maybe none of them are okay?

During this period of coronavirus and self-isolation, we have all been asking ourselves some questions.

When the hell is this going to be over?

When will we know if the curve is starting to flatten?

Can people stop telling us to put on regular pants? (I SAY EMBRACE CAFTANS!)

Will we have enough ventilators?

Will people be more open to a national health care system like all the normal countries have after this?

Are the celebs okay?

Okay, fine, maybe that last one is just me (and the one about pants, probably, because I hate pants). But for real, one of the ways some of us have been entertaining ourselves during this period of confinement is by watching the various videos celebrities are posting to social media in order to cope with isolation. Some have been great!

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Right Wing Extremism

White Supremacists Hope To Get Coronavirus In Order To Give It To Minorities

They're not smart people.

White supremacists are a lot of things. They are hateful, they are dangerous, they are incredibly insecure and, let us never forget, they are incredibly, incredibly stupid. I mean, let's be real. You don't get to being a white supremacist or a neo-Nazi by having particularly fabulous reasoning skills. Hell, most of their current beliefs are based on the scientific racism of the late 1800s, when people were still treating tonsillitis with leeches, smearing arsenic all over their faces and getting into phrenology. Heck, some of them are still into phrenology.

According to a February brief from the Federal Protective Services, which was reported on by Yahoo News this weekend, white supremacists on Telegram (the social networking and messaging app for people who have gotten kicked off of every other social media site) have been discussing their plans to use the coronavirus to do biological terrorism on the various groups of people they don't like.

This plan, however, requires that they get infected first themselves.

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Marco Rubio: Does It Matter What Racist Names We Use For The Coronavirus Right Now?

Let’s give desperate people scapegoats. What’s the worst that can happen?

Marco Rubio is useless in the best of circumstances, so the coronavirus crisis has cast an intense spotlight on the Florida senator's fecklessness. Friday, Rubio tweeted a video filmed in what looked like his grandmother's dining room. He was dressed casually in a baseball cap and a “Property of Dolphins" T-shirt that indicated he's a fan of the football team based in Miami. That's a good look during a crisis. All that was missing was a few days' beard growth.

He expressed his concerns about the working people who are losing their jobs because states are shutting down businesses in an effort to slow the coronavirus's spread. He was almost compelling.

RUBIO: People are literally getting laid off by the second. I know an entire family of six — the husband, the wife, their two adult kids and their spouses. Everybody got laid off in the last 72 hours. Can you imagine how traumatic that is? Maybe unfortunately you can because you got laid off or your kids got laid off. I'm talking about your local bakery. I'm talking about the dry cleaner you've used for 30 years. I'm talking about mechanics that fix your car. These people are closing their doors. No one knows if they're ever gonna reopen. Their workers don't know if they're ever gonna have another job. That should be our number one focus right now. How can we get cash quickly to those companies so they can at least pay their workers and be able to reopen when the time comes for that.
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Hobby Lobby Staying Open During Pandemic Because Owner's Wife Got A Special Message From God.


If there is anything Hobby Lobby is known for, it is the way they aggressively do not care about either science or the health of their employees. I guess they also sell some craft stuff there, too, but mostly they just really hate science and health care. In 2014, as we all know, they won a Supreme Court case allowing them to deny giving their employees health care that covered birth control on the grounds of "religious freedom" because they believed that several forms of birth control were abortifacients, which they were not.

Now, they are requiring their employees to continue showing up for work in the middle of a pandemic. According to a letter posted to Reddit by someone claiming to be a Hobby Lobby employee, this is because Barbara Green, wife of billionaire owner David Green, got a special message from God while she was prayer warrior-ing.

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