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Impeachment

Crawling Smear Of Paul Ryan Paul Ryans All Over Us Again

Ryan turns on old buddy Mitt Romney because of course he would.

Thursday, someone on the Fox News mothership dared suggest that Donald Trump was anything less than magnificent. During an appearance on "Your World with Neil Cavuto," A.B. Stoddard of RealClearPolitics compared Trump's 2016 debate performances to Mike Bloomberg's Elizabeth-Warren-assisted autopsy Wednesday night.

STODDARD: I think that Donald Trump had disastrous debate performances. Many answers were so cringeworthy. You just couldn't even believe that he was standing on the stage. And he's president.

The mad king was unpleased.

Narrator: Donald Trump did not win any of the presidential debates. He embarrassed himself and his loved ones, if he has any. Trump blamed this glitch in the Fox News Matrix on Paul Ryan. The former House speaker is on the board of Wolfram & Hart whatever evil global entity currently owns Fox News. There were articles about how the former Republican House speaker was going to influence the network from the inside to take down Trump. That was obviously all bullshit. He's now more of a Trump stooge than ever.

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Culture Wars

Oh No, Campus 'Terrorists' Did Terror To Kent State Gun Girl, By Chanting About Diapers

Tin foil hats and Kaitlin's coming / One Dumb in O-hi-o.

Kaitlin Bennett, that nice young lady who wishes we had a monarchy made of guns, is getting some of the attention she craves this week, after one of her signature efforts to show up on a college campus and make a damn fool of herself asking slanted questions went awry Monday at Ohio University. Students gave her the warm reception that we old-timers used to give Brother Jed Smock when he'd show up and start yammering about forrrr-ni-CA-tion. But a pretty big crowd gathered and started yelling mean things at her, and she eventually fled to the safety of what appears to be either a giant F-350 Crew Cab pickup or perhaps a borrowed AT-AT. Bennett and supporters in the wingnuttosphere have taken to calling it a "riot," and are touting it as the latest example of "the Left's" war on free speech. In various videos taken by Bennett and others, people can be seen jeering loudly, chanting rudely, and a few even threw drinks at the truck.

The Washington Post notes that

Campus police have said the clash was not violent, did not result in arrests and "did not rise to the level of a riot," emphasizing that both Bennett and the crowd were exercising their First Amendment rights. They acknowledged "strong language and allegations that some unknown person(s) in the crowd splashed water."

Bennett, for her part, has been calling on Donald Trump to please support the First Amendment by eliminating all federal funding for colleges that "harbor terrorists" — the ones who rely not on pressure cooker bombs, but on flipping the bird and tossing soda, which could get in someone's eye.

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White Nonsense

Trayvon Martin's POS Killer Sues Pete Buttigieg, Liz Warren For Aggravated Humanity

This guy never stops finding new ways to make us sick.

George Zimmerman, who fatally shot a then-17-year-old Trayvon Martin, has decided to sue actual human beings who expressed sadness over Martin's death. Zimmerman was not content to vanish after his miscarriage of justice acquittal. He periodically emerges from the bowels of hell and reminds people how repulsive he is.

Two weeks ago, on what would have been Martin's 25th birthday, presidential candidates Elizabeth Warren and Pete Buttigieg tweeted their condolences and benignly observed that racism and gun violence are bad.


Neither Democrat mentioned Martin's killer by name. Warren said Martin "should still be with us today," which is a fair and obvious statement to make about a person gunned down by George Zimmerman. Buttigieg correctly noted that too many "25th birthdays have been stolen from us by white supremacy, gun violence, prejudice, and fear."

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fox news

Fox News: Don't Compare Mayor Pete's Marriage To Trump And Rush Limbaugh's Cheaty Slutting, NO FAIR!

Party of family values, you bet.

Rush Limbaugh has been married four times and was caught coming back from a boys' trip in the Dominican Republic with a bottle of mislabeled Viagra in 2006. But recently he has been casting aspersions on the YUCKY LOL GAYNESS of Pete Buttigieg while he and fellow wingnut Ben Ferguson said the most stomach-churning things about how masculine World's Ugliest Man Donald Trump is, and Rush was calling him "Mr. Man" and just ew. We were just really hoping they would put their boners back in their pants.

The story continues, though!

Buttigieg went on the TV this weekend and what he said should have put a lid on Rush Limbaugh, human trashcan, once and for all:

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Trump

Rain, Bloomberg Wash Out Donald Trump's Daytona 500 Visit

Not even the elements wanted Trump there.

Aside from beating impeachment charges that would've removed a president in any functioning democracy, poor Donald Trump just can't catch a break. Trump devoted his Sunday to cavorting with the common man at the Daytona 500 in Florida. He even brought Melania, who obviously would've preferred to be anywhere else (and with anyone else). The president and first lady flew in from Mar-a-Lago on Air Force One for what he probably hoped would serve as a free campaign ad.

Trump was named grand marshal and gave one of his usual, awful rally-style speeches, but FOX — the broadcast network, not the fake news channel — cut away to commercial. Trump supporters online were offended that a commercial network ran commercials instead of the president's gibberish, which would've turned up later on YouTube for free anyway. One Twitter user raged that "commies owned the media," and that's why paid advertising bumped Trump.

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Feminininism

Ted Cruz Positively Outraged That The Government Would Interfere With His Reproductive Rights

What's that like?

For nearly a decade, as male politicians have repeatedly sought to chip away at our reproductive rights, female legislators have responded with bills of their own, meant to regulate theirs. In 2012 we had a whole slew of them — Rep. Kelly Cassidy of Illinois proposed adding an amendment to a bill requiring those who get abortions to watch an ultrasound beforehand that would also require men who get Viagra to watch a graphic video about its potential side effects; Sen. Janet Howell of Virginia thought men who wanted Viagra should probably get a rectal exam first; and Ohio state Sen. Nina Turner felt that the best way to show men who feel they need a drug for erectile disfunction "that we care" about them would be to require a psychological examination beforehand, and then a cardiac test every 90 days after that, and that they should also be required to sign a form saying they understand the side effects.

Then, in 2017, Texas state Rep. Jessica Farrar "A Man's Right To Know Act" proposed fining men $100 for masturbating (every sperm is sacred!), allowing doctors to refuse to perform vasectomies or prescribe Viagra if they feel they have a religious objection to it, and requiring all men to read an informational booklet before getting Viagra or a vasectomy or a colonoscopy. So good! All of them!

The latest of these bills comes from Alabama state Rep. Rolanda Hollis (D-Birmingham), who on Thursday filed a bill (HB 238) that would require men to get a vasectomy prior to their 50th birthday or after their third child. Naturally, this would be at the man's own expense. And Ted Cruz is positively outraged!

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Right Wing Extremism

Creepy Child Nazi Banned From YouTube, Finally

Bye bye, Nick Fuentes!

White nationalist, Holocaust denier and leader of the "Groypers" (a group of white nationalist conservatives who yell at regular conservatives for not being racist enough) Nick Fuentes woke up yesterday morning to find that his YouTube teevee show, "America First with Nicholas J Fuentes," had been banned from the platform for hate speech. While it is not currently known exactly which instance of hate speech it was that got him banned, it is safe to say that it was probably pretty terrible, and probably something terrible about Jewish people or Muslims as that tends to be his M.O.

As you may or may not have blocked out, Fuentes was in the news briefly in November of last year after fellow professional hatemonger Michelle Malkin was fired from the conservative speaker's bureau "Young America's Foundation" for her support of Fuentes, on account of how he's a Holocaust denier. Also because he kept heckling fellow right-wingers like Donald Trump Jr., Charlie Kirk, and Ben Shapiro at a Turning Point USA event for not being fascist enough.

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White Nonsense

Dennis Prager Feels Like The Left's N-Word Because He Can't Just Say ... You Know.

We also believe he has said the full racial slur.

Dennis Prager at the not-an-actual-university Prager University feels very oppressed that he can't say the n-word. On his self-titled radio show, Prager was discussing how former presidents Harry Truman and Richard Nixon liked to drop racial and anti-semitic slurs. "Steve" from Cleveland, Ohio, phoned in to ask Prager why he used the euphemistic n-word but actually said the full anti-semitic slur. One possibility is that Prager is Jewish and not black, but Prager had a different, more banana pants answer for "Steve."

PRAGER: So, why didn't I say "k-word"? Because the left has made it impossible to say the n-word any longer. That's disgusting, it's a farce. It's the only word that you can't say in the English language.

Maybe it's just me, but I consider "farce" a "comic dramatic work using buffoonery and horseplay and typically including crude characterization and ludicrously improbable situations," like Noises Off or Fire and Fury. It's not exactly farcical that decent people refrain from using a racial epithet that's indelibly linked to America's history of racial terrorism. No one's stopping you from saying the racial slur. There's no n-word police. Prager, however, believes there is an n-word police, and it's conservatism's favorite bogeyman, the "left." The left didn't drag him off to a reeducation camp for saying an anti-semitic slur, because the left doesn't give a damn about that word (or apparently Jews).

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Trump

Can Rush Limbaugh And Ben Ferguson Please Put Their Yucky Trump Boners Back In Their Panties? Thx.

Who wants to hear some frumpy Republican men talk about how masculine Donald Trump is? HEY, WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

We really didn't think we were going to have to write a follow-up on weird gross Rush Limbaugh's weird gross comments about how to tell the children what Pete Buttigieg is doing when he kisses his husband onstage. (He is kissing his husband. Grow up.)

But alas, we do, because Rush Limbaugh went and made it grosser, because he got his stinky boner involved. (Not sure if Viagra was needed this time.) And he's not the only one either. Rightwing weird gross guy Ben Ferguson also got his stinky boner involved.

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Trump

Donald Trump Found A Black Woman To Blame For Roger Stone's Crimes

Oh what a very big surprise.

Y'all see this tweet from El Shithole this morning?

Oh great, the "fore person" [sic] of the jury was BIASSSSSS, by which Trump means she is a Democrat, and are Democrats even allowed to serve on juries in Trump's America? You won't be shocked to learn that the latest subject of Trump's outrage, and Fox News's outrage, the foreperson of the Roger Stone jury, is a black woman, because that's on brand for Trump and Fox News.

Now, please forget that there are 12 people on a jury, and that all must agree on a verdict before rendering it. (That is what "unanimous" means.) Obviously, this one alleged Trump-hating black lady #RIGGED it against Stone, and by extension Trump. That is just how things work, if you are as much of a misogynist pig racist as Donald Trump is.

But wait, let's back up for a second, for Wonkette has some local news context for you!

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Trump

Bill Barr, Come Explain Your Trifling Ass To Kamala Harris, Elizabeth Warren Or (And) GTFO

Yes, it's tiresome but we should hold Trump's 'henchmen' accountable.

It's clear now that Bill Barr is Donald Trump's personal mob boss lawyer — Tom Hagen without style. Kamala Harris, who is a reputable attorney, isn't thrilled with this development. She demanded Tuesday that the Senate Judiciary Committee bring in Barr to account for how the Department of Justice skipped to Donald Trump's lou over Roger Stone's sentencing.

From a letter Harris sent to the chair of the Judiciary Committee:

The Justice Department's decision to overrule its career prosecutors, immediately after President Trump's tweet, calls into question the independence and integrity of our legal system. Failure to meet basic oversight responsibilities in the face of such alarming news would send a signal to this and future administrations that the Senate no longer conducts itself as a co-equal branch of government.

Unfortunately, the Senate Judiciary Chairman is Lindsey Graham, who is both corrupt and shameless. Graham said Wednesday that he had no intention of interrupting Barr's busy schedule of one-sided sentencing reform. Undaunted, Harris tweeted this message detailing in clear, concise legal terms why Bill Barr is an underhanded shady loser.

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Right Wing Extremism

Rush Limbaugh Has Question About Pete Buttigieg Kissing His Husband. Wonkette Has Answer.

It is a mean answer.

World's most undeserving Medal of Freedom recipient Rush Limbaugh asked a question on his radio show today about big gay Pete Buttigieg, because apparently Limbaugh has never met a gay person:

LIMBAUGH: So I saw a political ad, where Mayor Pete, Mayor Pete Buttigieg, going on and on and on and on and on, about how parents in America are struggling to explain President Trump to their children. And then I happen to see this — now, what are you shaking your head at in there? You think — natural conclusion — so he says Trump causes problems for parents, what about that? If you're not watching on the DittoCam, what it is, a picture of Mayor Pete kissing his husband — which he does frequently.

Good question, if you are a dumbshit who lives under a rock and hides from the reality where gay people exist and millions of kids know gay people exist and their parents have zero problem explaining it, because it's not a hard concept for children to understand. (To be fair, we probably just described Limbaugh's average dead-end listener.)

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Media/Entertainment

Coming To Theaters, That Movie What Made Trump Sh*t His Underpants!

Somebody get the president a blanket and his pacifier, please.

Last August, Donald Trump was whining about a thing (no way!), and it was a movie called The Hunt, which, according to what simpleton conservatives on the internet had heard, was a jolly goodtime comedy story about some rich liberals who decided to go hunting for Donald Trump's deplorables and murder them a whole bunch. In the view of the right-wing internet, the existence of this film, which they had not seen, was just more proof that Hollywood was out to get them and murder them and turn them all gay, probably, we don't know, but they are usually whining that Hollywood is turning them gay, we think.

Anyway, the movie's release date got canceled, ostensibly because there had just been a couple of very bad mass shootings in America, which was hard to swallow because when have there ever not just been a couple of very bad mass shootings in America? It might have also been canceled because Donald Trump was tweeting things like this:

Point is, a hullabaloo occurred, and everybody involved with the movie decided to pull it back in August.

We hadn't heard of the movie until Trump started tweeting about it and learned that Fox News was mainlining the manufactured controversy about the film like it was crushed up Viagra on Rush Limbaugh's asshole. "Huh, we might want to see that movie," we thought, because we actually read some of the articles about it that weren't just wingnut howler monkey screeching, and learned it was a bit more complex than they were describing. For one thing, as its creators and writers — the same writers as the "Watchmen" not-TV-it's-HBO show, which Rebecca says is "enthralling" and therefore she will definitely watch this movie — explained many times, it's intended as satirical comment on American society, not as a literal how-to guide for hunting Trump's deplorables. For another thing — well, we don't know "for another thing," because like everyone else, we haven't seen the damn thing!

All of this is to say that the movie is coming out after all, on March 13. Ahead of its new release date, the studio is marketing it with a poster that says, "The most talked about movie of the year is one that no one's actually seen."

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Right Wing Extremism

FBI Gonna Catch All Those Non-Existent Pro-Choice Violent Extremists, Because 'Both Sides'

There are no pro-choice violent extremists.

Last week, FBI Director Christopher Wray announced his new plans to deal with domestic terrorism. Some of it, as we have noted, was good. They will now be taking violent white supremacists more seriously, and that will probably save some lives.

Some of it, however, is stupid.

The really, really stupid thing is that in Wray's description of one of the domestic terrorism issues, "abortion violent extremism," he pretended as if the actual terrorism threats came from both anti-choice people and pro-choice people — referring to "people on either side of that issue who commit violence on behalf of different views on that topic."

The problem with that is, while the anti-choice crowd has killed lots and lots of people and bombed lots and lots of buildings, the pro-choice side has not done any of that. At all. For any reason.

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Right Wing Extremism

FBI Says White Supremacists As Dangerous As ISIS, So The Alt-Right Is Tweeting About 'Antifa Terrorists'

Also a bunch of Nazis marched on D.C. this weekend.

Are right-wing extremists as dangerous as ISIS? Well, those of us who have paid enough attention to know that, post-9/11, more people have been killed by them than by jihadist terrorists certainly think so. And now, as of last week, the FBI does as well.

On Wednesday, FBI director Christopher Wray announced that the bureau now considers racially motivated violent extremists a threat on apar with ISIS, elevating their threat level to "national threat priority" for the year 2020. In a statement before the House Judiciary Committee, Wray said that the FBI would be dedicated to combating both domestic terrorism and hate crimes, noting that the majority of these attacks are "fueled by some type of white supremacy."

Wray also noted that the kind of racist rhetoric that has become so very popular lo these last few years is part of what has fueled race-motivated violence to become the most lethal form of terrorism in the United States.

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Trump

President Pimp Daddy Gonna Approve All The Federal Architecture

You know WHO ELSE banned modern art styles? Right! It was Hitler!

You might've missed this during all the other crap this week, but Donald Trump is now dabbling in architecture. He needs a hobby to help him wind down after a stressful day of treason. The president is preparing an executive order that would mandate a "classical style" for federal buildings in Washington DC and other parts of the country. This would discourage boring, elitist "modern" design, or boring, elitist "Art Deco," like the Bonwit Teller building whose friezes Trump famously (and illegally) demolished. The group that actively appealed to Trump's cultural resentment is the National Civic Art Society. The non-profit believes contemporary architecture has fostered an environment that's "degraded and dehumanizing." Degenerate, even. If that's true, Trump's prolonged presence in DC is the problem, but sure, let's blame the buildings.

The society's chair, Marion Smith, texted -- yeah, really -- this statement to the New York Times:

For too long architectural elites and bureaucrats have derided the idea of beauty, blatantly ignored public opinions on style, and have quietly spent taxpayer money constructing ugly, expensive, and inefficient buildings. This executive order gives voice to the 99 percent — the ordinary American people who do not like what our government has been building.

The classical style is influenced by Greek and Roman architecture. The most famous (or at least my favorite) examples in DC include the US Treasury Building, the National Gallery of Art, the US Capitol, and the White House, where Trump currently squats. I enjoy buildings in that style as much as the next person, especially if that person is my wife. Neither of us are that pissed over any buildings not constructed in the classical style. We also don't trust the man who willingly lived in this room to make aesthetic appraisals.

Trump bedroom

I mean ... damn.

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