RNC To NBC: That Hillary Clinton Movie Is Not Threatening To Us At All, Please Cancel It
Reince Priebus is deeply disappointed! He's also concerned and disturbed! Is it because the GOP's best chance at winning the presidency in 2016 is Hillary's plane crashing into Biden's train, then upon hearing the news Andrew Cuomo, Deval Patrick, Martin O'Malley, and Elizabeth Warren all choke on their organic free range tofurken and quinoa tenderloin?
No! Actually, yes probably, but it's also because of what NBC wants to put on the teevee: A docu-dramatic miniseries about Hillary Clinton, because apparently that constitutes an "event," according to NBC chairman Robert Greenblatt. Where were you when you heard about the Hillary Clinton miniseries? Try to remember, you'll want to tell your grandkids about it someday, so they can know about history. Speaking of history, when will Reince Priebus get Michael Steele'd for being terrible at his job and writing mewling, self-parodying letters, and we can forget how to spell his damn name?
Soon, we hope! But for now, let's delve into this dumb thing:
"As an American company, you have every right to air the programming of your choice."
That's nice, he probably won't contradict that in the rest of the letter!
"But as American citizens, surely you recognize why many are astounded at your actions, which appear to be a major network's thinly-veiled attempt at putting a thumb on the scales of the 2016 election."
Yes, surely Robert Greenblatt's American citizenship helps him see this quite clearly! Following this is some concern trolling that, oh the poor Democratic candidates other than Hillary, it's so unfair to them! And let's not forget the "ample cause for concern" that many NBC employees donate to Democrats. It's downright terrifying.
Then there's this:
"Your company has expressly stated that your choice to air the miniseries in the near future would avoid concerns of running afoul of equal time election laws. This suggests a deliberate attempt at influencing American political opinion"
Or a deliberate attempt to avoid being forced into making a four-part docu-drama about Rand Paul, which we would DEFINITELY watch/liveblog/silkscreen t-shirts for. And as for "avoid[ing] concerns," that did not work out too well, did it? Concerns abound, apparently! As American citizens, we are concerned about all this concern. It's a real concern!
"If you have not agreed to pull this programming prior to the start of the RNC's Summer Meeting on August 14, I will seek a binding vote of the RNC stating that the committee will neither partner with you in the 2016 primary debates nor sanction primary debates which you sponsor."
Oh no, they might ask for a binding vote! As an American political party, the GOP has every right to vote on stuff. But as American citizens, we recognize that who even cares, except Brian Williams was a pretty good debate moderator. Wasn't he? Maybe, we don't really remember. Handsome as the dickens, though.