sexxxxy, if "gross" is your thing

Oh boy, are our arms tired after writing that last post about Robert Mueller's new cooperating witness! We told you we are at the point of the Mueller investigation where there will constantly be one million new stories per week about "Robert Mueller is doing this" and "Robert Mueller is all up in this new guy's grille," and we weren't lyin'!

The Washington Post dropped a new story late Tuesday about how Trump idiot lawyer who is bad at law Michael Cohen is one of the latest figures to come under Robert Mueller's microscope.

WaPo offers the following caveat, though:

There is no indication that Cohen is a subject or target of the investigation into Russian interference in the 2016 election.


The first thing Mueller wants to know about is Cohen's role in the failed Moscow Trump Tower project, which we detailed in posts here and here. We are only about 99% sure that particular Art Of The (No) Deal, and the story of Trump's dealings in Russia in the months and years before he ran for president, are key in unlocking the truth about Russia's plan to steal the election from Hillary Clinton and give it to PoopStain McOrange.

Cohen was involved in the Trump Tower Moscow deal early on in the Trump campaign, in late 2015, which was the second time it failed. Cohen worked on the deal with Russian-American organized crime figure Felix Sater, who used to work for the Trump Organization, and in emails between the two, they marveled at how two young bucks from Brooklyn were going use this so-called "tower deal" to get a president elected, with Vladimir Putin's support! That is just every little boy's dream, if they are a little boy who is a traitor. Unfortunately, the plan went to shit, even though Sater was like, "Hey Michael Cohen, you should email Putin's right hand guy, who according to the DODGY DOSSIER also has a bunch of dirt on Hillary Clinton, to get him to save our skyscraper project!"

But was that deal really just about a dumb ugly skyscraper with gold windows and space age bedding that absorbs Russian hooker pee without even leaving a stain? OR WAS IT MORE? Robert Mueller is just asking questions!

The second thing WaPo mentions is something we alluded to in our last post, about that time Cohen worked with Andrii Artemenko, a pro-Russia Ukrainian politician, and also with Felix Sater (hello again, Felix!), on a "peace plan" for Ukraine, which he was supposed to give to National Security Advisor (for 11 days) Michael Flynn. Surprise, it would have gotten rid of all the Russian sanctions, in exchange for peace! But did Michael Cohen actually do the deed and slip the plan to Flynn? Well, according to Michael Cohen in the New York Times, he tied it up with a bow and stuffed it down Michael Flynn's pants! But according to Michael Cohen in the Washington Post, he just took it home and didn't even put his hands down Flynn's pants even a little bit. Who to believe? Michael Cohen or Michael Cohen???? What does Michael Cohen know about what Michael Cohen did, and when did he know it? Anyway, SAYS WHO.

As WaPo notes, Cohen is one of the names Mueller put on Sam Nunberg's subpoena and said, "GIVE ME ALL YOUR EMAILS!" We don't know why, but Sam Nunberg has been up Trump's ass since approximately 2011, working side-by-side with ... oh hi, it is Michael Cohen! Maybe that's the real reason Nunberg queened out so hard this week.

Better turn over those emails, Samuel. Robert Mueller gonna get hangry, and you wouldn't like him when he's hangry.

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[Washington Post]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.


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