Roberts Watching Time Killers
Dana Milbank catalogs the ways that people killed time during the Roberts hearings: Counting the number of times Chuck Schumer refers to himself (Democrat staffers), doing crosswords (Sen. Coburn), protesting (not quite two dozen people). . . Sen. Arlen Specter asserted that the confirmation is "perhaps the biggest challenge of the decade." We think getting people to pay attention is. And it is a challenge we are prepared to meet:
• Figure out which senators aren't wearing make-up.
• Go through box of crayons trying to approximate the exact shade of Roberts' dreamy blue eyes.
• Turn off sound, do voice over giving senators funny voices or accents.
• Turn off sound, start "Dark Side of the Moon." Freaky, huh?
• Put ten glasses of water on your coffee table, one containing poison: close your eyes and re-arrange them. Every time Specter says, "let him finish," drink one.
• Translate the hearings for your cat ("And then the senator asked 'meow meow meeeow meow meoooow.'").
• Count your yawns per hour; now, can you double that the next hour?
• Assfuck -- while you still can.
• Prank call the committee members' offices, asking "Is your democracy running?"
• Watch them with a gerbil in your trousers.
Roberts: Oh, Man [The Buzz]