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What do Roger Stone's bank records have to do with his lying to Congress and witness tampering? That's the $64,000 question! Because Special Counsel Robert Mueller hoovered up every piece of Roger Stone's digital life, including his financial records. And if he really does intend to use that evidence at trial, it sure as hell isn't to prove that Roger Stone lied to the House Intelligence Committee about his communications with Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumbass.

Yesterday the special counsel filed two motions in DC District Court. The first was a request to abate the speedy trial requirement to prosecute within 70 days, allowing time for lawyers on both sides to sort through the giant mountain of evidence against Stone.

This discovery is both voluminous and complex. It is composed of multiple hard drives containing several terabytes of information consisting of, among other things, FBI case reports, search warrant applications and results (e.g., Apple iCloud accounts and email accounts), bank and financial records, and the contents of numerous physical devices (e.g., cellular phones, computers, and hard drives). The communications contained in the iCloud accounts, email accounts, and physical devices span several years. The government also intends to produce to the defense the contents of physical devices recently seized from his home, apartment, and office.

First they have to send it through the taint team to filter out any privileged files; then the government has to read every text, email, DM, and letter the old ratfucker sent in the past five years. Which should definitely net them hardship pay, since Stone's a nasty perv. Blech.


Once they wade through all the porn, Craigslist ads, and nekkid selfies -- and you know there are nekkid selfies -- Mueller's team will proceed with prosecuting Stone for ... something. He's been charged with lying to Congress about his communications with Jerome Corsi and Randy Credico, because when the House Intelligence Committee asked him if he had any digital correspondence regarding Wikileaks, he said, "NO," when he should have said, "OMG, Jerry and I messaged each other like five times a day about Assange. How to get to him, what to ask, when he was dropping the next load, who to send over there to pet the cat. And don't get me started on Randy! I was pestering that idiot constantly to get me the DL on Wikileaks drops!"

But Mueller already has all those emails, and he quoted them at length in the original indictment. He doesn't have to read Stone's browser history to prove Stone lied -- that's pretty well a slam dunk. As for the witness tampering, Mueller already has the receipts for that one, too. He's got texts where Stone encouraged his wacko pal Randy Credico to lie to Congress, plead the Fifth, or pretend he couldn't remember details of their communications.

On or about December 1, 2017, STONE texted Person 2, "And if you turned over anything to the FBI you're a fool." Later that day, Person 2 texted STONE, "You need to amend your testimony before I testify on the 15th." STONE responded, "If you testify you're a fool. Because of tromp I could never get away with a certain [sic] my Fifth Amendment rights but you can. I guarantee you you are the one who gets indicted for perjury if you're stupid enough to testify."

That's not a difficult case to prove. Mueller submitted those emails and texts to the grand jury before he raided Roger Stone's home with a warrant to seize allllllll Stone's shit. Although he could have just clicked on this November 2018 story in The Daily Caller, where men's fashion editor Roger Stone published all those emails and texts he'd sworn never existed when he appeared before the House Intelligence Committee in May. Which is pretty well par for the course for a guy who ran straight from his arraignment to the set at Fox News.

(Too subtle? We're saying that Roger Stone has really, really bad judgment!)

So what did Mueller want all that stuff for? DUNNO! Maybe he comes up empty, or maybe he finds evidence of a conspiracy to hack the American election. But remember, Mueller charged Manafort and Rick Gates with bank fraud in February of 2018, only to up the ante in September with a superseding indictment which added violations of the Foreign Agents Registration Act after Gates flipped.

Some day we'll find out what Mueller's holding, but sadly that day is not today. Yesterday the Special Counsel filed a protective order to stop Stone from publishing any of the documents produced in discovery. Stone's lawyers have agreed to both the trial delay and the protective order. Which means that now they have to keep Roger Stone from going on television and blabbing to the world about whatever cards the special counsel lays on the table prior to trial.

GOOD LUCK WITH THAT, FELLAS!

[Consent Motion to Exclude Time Under the Speedy Trial Act / Unopposed Motion for Protective Order Governing Discovery]

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Five Dollar Feminist

Your FDF lives in Baltimore under an assumed identity as an upstanding member of the PTA. Shhh, don't tell anyone she makes swears on the internet!

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Hello! Here a beautiful open thread for you to not comment all over, so that you don't not comment all over Dok's book club post.

I was gonna drop my Nonnie's recipe for Easter bread in here, but apparently it has to proof overnight and is also for approximately 87,000 people, so not much of a point to that! (Though here it is if you really want it. She doesn't do the egg thing, but if you want, you can put some dyed raw eggs in the braided dough before you bake. And you can add sprinkles, and anise if you're gross and like gross things) I was gonna try and make it myself last night, but have instead opted to just make waffles. Waffles are FINE.

So instead, I shall just leave you with this absolutely terrifying version of The Velveteen Rabbit starring Marie Osmond as said velveteen rabbit. Coincidentally, Marie Osmond is also Nonnie's 2nd arch-nemesis, after Rachel Ray (Rachel Ray because she doesn't pull her hair back when she cooks, and Marie for reasons I'm not entirely clear on but which I believe are related to a Weight Watchers commercial).

THE VELVETEEN RABBIT starring Marie Osmond - full length feature youtu.be


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'Unemployed men queued outside a depression soup kitchen opened in Chicago by Al Capone' -- National Archives

Happy Day Before Half-Priced Easter Chocolate Day, Wonkers! Time to wrap up our Wonkette Book Club discussion of Winter War: Hoover, Roosevelt, and the First Clash Over the New Deal, by Erich Rauchway, a historian at UC-Davis. We're increasingly convinced the book might have just as well been titled Herbert Hoover: Christ, What An Asshole! As ever, even if you haven't finished the reading, jump in anyway -- there won't be a test!

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