Romney Scandal: Candidate Has Never Even Shot a Lawyer

Mitt Romney, a rich liberal who lives in Massachusetts, has a problem: he wants to be the Republican nominee for President, but he's barely ever killed anything.


Having gone around the country telling everyone how much he enjoys the sight of a perfectly-situated entry wound, the snap of a helpless doe's neck, and the stench of gunpowder, stale Kentucky Gentleman, and rotting flesh, he's been forced to admit the damning truth.

Yet the former Massachusetts governor's hunting experience is limited to two trips at the bookends of his 60 years: as a 15-year-old, when he hunted rabbits with his cousins on a ranch in Idaho, and last year, when he shot quail on a fenced game preserve in Georgia.

That's right, rabbits and quail. The two gayest things to shoot. Mitt Romney will never be president until he bags either a tiger or a hippie.

Romney, self-described lifelong hunter, has hunted twice [AP via Boston Herald]

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