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Rude Republican Leadership Postpones First Date With Obama

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  • Heartbroken liberals sobbed quietly in a corner after they found out that Barack Obama wanted to "talk" with John Boehner and his army of Republican Oompa Loompas -- because everyone knows "let's talk" is secret Beltway/truck stop code for meth-fueled group sexytime. John Boehner said he was really looking forward to bipartisan experimentation with Obama, in the most sexual way possible, but now Republicans are playing all "hard to get" and have indefinitely postponed this hawt meet-up! #1 Best Bra Padding The Politico reports that Republicans got cold feet because they are still extremely angry at Obama for "crashing" their GOP bull session in Baltimore, way back when. The thing is: Republicans actually invited Obama to come join their lame retreat. Whoops! What will it take to get these Powerful Leaders to sit in a room together, so that Obama can give Republicans whatever they want? [The Caucus/TPM]
  • Murkowski is now leading by more than 10,000 votes. Joe Miller is acting all butthurt and demands a recount, because apparently "Alaska's computerized voting system is suspect." But also Joe Miller is a compulsive liar. [ADN]


  • Oh, now we get to stay in Afghanistan until at least 2014. Hooray for endless war. [McClatchy]

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This weekend, hundreds of people are gathering in Denver, Colorado for the 2018 Flat Earth Conference -- two whole days of people with suspiciously Andy Warhol-like hair yelling "Where's the curve?!?" and talking about ice walls -- and we are missing out! Flat earthers are kind of the best of all conspiracy theorists, because aside from a few fascists and anti-Semites in the mix, they are mostly harmless cranks who just want to feel like they are way smarter than all of the scientists. As far as I know, believing in a Flat Earth, while stupid, has never hurt anyone -- which is honestly kind of refreshing these days!

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Every so often on this here internet, we get a hate read that is so perfect, that so aptly encapsulates a particular form of douchebaggery that we all must collectively gasp at it's awfulness and revel in the general repulsiveness of the arrogant human being so lacking in self-awareness that they actually thought it would be a good idea to write such a thing. Today, I bring you such a hate read -- Matthew Binder's A Glimpse Into the Ideological Monoculture of Literary New York.

And yes, it's actually worse than it sounds, if that is possible.

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