Russian Cult Barricades Itself for End of Days
A cult of rogue Christians in the former Soviet Union ("Russia") is hiding in a cave. Forever! Well, at least until the world ends, which according to our calculations happened during last night's Democratic debate.
The 29 members of this cult have been hunkering down in the snow-covered hills of the Penza region since Nov. 7, and say they'll commit suicide if police or anyone else ruin their mojo. According to a sympathetic local priest, "The church is doing a bad job, the end of the world is coming soon and we are all saving ourselves." Because hiding in a cave has something to do with this.
The silly policemen just don't get it, either. Hell, if this was still the Soviet Union, they could barge right in there and kill the theist fucks! Alas, things should resolve themselves naturally:
Media reports said the cult members believed the world would end sometime in May next year. Police expected them to emerge when their supplies ran out.
It's unknown who they worship specifically in their special flavor of Christianity, but considering their arrogance, it's probably some Russian politician named Ron Paultardinov.
Russia sect holes up in cave to await end of world [Reuters/Yahoo]