Russian Rocket Trash Meteor Met Fiery Death Over Virginia, Causing Scary Boom Sounds
So those awful explosions that you all witnessedthe other night were not angels lighting their farts on fire, or meteor showers, or anything else Celestial. Apparently a fearsome Russian Rocket vomited its "space junk" all over the Eastern seaboard. Why don't Russians care about the environment?
Here is the deal: last Thursday, a Soyuz rocket launched from Kazakhstan and headed for the International Space Station. When these rockets lift off, a bunch of garbage falls off them and eventually comes back to earth. That garbage was scheduled to penetrate Earth's atmosphere right over Virginia on Sunday night, which is exactly when people started calling 911 about the apocalypse.
So we can conclude that the fearsome sky explosions came either from debris from a Soyuz rocket, or -- more likely -- space monsters using the expected junk-shower from the rocket to sneakily invade our planet and impregnate all the womens with goat-headed babies.
IMPORTANT UPDATE: Well now these "scientists" who were so certain it was space junk have decided it was a meteor, which just goes to show you how lame science is.