Salmon Try to Send Larry Craig Up the River
As a Republican from Nebrasdaho or wherever the fuck, Larry Craig was a tireless champion of power companies and logging concerns, and he never stopped fighting the powerful salmon interests. That's right, salmon -- you might know them as the harmless smoked fish Larry King puts on his bagels, when he is making bagels, but in real life Big Salmon has a stranglehold on our government and industry, preventing upstanding American companies from building big dams that power our baby monitors and puppy-grooming machines. But with Larry resigning in disgrace for the "crime" of soliciting public sex with an undercover cop, these salmon may soon be free to infest the Snake River with their disgusting spawn. That's why we all need to support Senator Craig in his latest campaign: the campaign to not actually resign.
Yes Larry announced he would quit ASAP and the Senate launched an ethics investigation and stripped him of all his leadership posts, but then he started showing up to work again and claiming he'll put off his final decision until later. His last day was supposed to be yesterday but now Larry just says he'll stay on "for now."
Craig survived and returned to the Senate two weeks ago. Now, Idaho Republican leaders tell me they've come to believe Craig will likely complete his term in January 2009.
"'For now' is permanent," said one. "He ain't leaving."
Keep fighting, Larry! The $500k you have in your campaign chest can indeed be used to pay your lawyers!
If Craig keeps fighting his guilty plea, which he looks set to do, he could keep it tied up in court until January of 2009. And, you know, why not run for reelection? Vitter's still in the Senate! Hell, Ted Kennedy's still in the Senate! DON'T LET THE SALMON WIN, SENATOR CRAIG.
Editor's note: Jokes ultimately edited from this post include puns about "escaping from bears" and "crossing streams."
Sen. Craig's Dall May Benefit Salmon [AP via Yahoo]
Popkey: For Larry Craig, 'for now' might mean 'until January 2009' [Idaho Statesman]