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Sara Benincasa Fights For Vagina Rights At Fiesta In NYC Tonight

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Oh, hello, beasts of burden. Remember me? I'm good ol' Sara Benincasa, your friend from the days of a kkkolumn calledBarry Can You Hear Me? Well now I am Back, hahaha, and more terrible than ever. So terrible, in fact, that tonight I am hosting a party for the feared chieftainesses of wimmin's lib right here in New York City, a place where I am and maybe you are as well! It is called The 5th Annual Roe on the Rocks Benefit for Planned Parenthood of NYC, and it is going to be so very much fun.


Anyhoozles, I am very nervous about this rock and roll show because I want to do a very good job and make the feminists laff in the midst of our current collective Vale of Tears. Basically, I am Bob Hope and we are at War against the people who are at War on Womynz, so I will wear a suit and talk into an old-fashioned microphone and bring up a ditzy, zazzy pin-up gal to rally the troops, and the troops will drink champagne and laugh about old tymes and then ask each other why it is, exactly, that in 2012 elected, educated, adult human officials believe "birth control" is something made by witches with mortar and pestle under a waxing moon during the Rutting Season. You could be there! You SHOULD be there!

In my imagination, this post has been like the part at the end of "Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves" when Sean Connery growls "I object!" when Robin of Locksley is trying to marry Mary Elizabeth Curlyhairionio and everyone turns and is like, "SURPRISE CAMEO IT IS SEAN CONNERY!" and then he smiles and says, "Because I want to give away the bride" or whatever. Except this post has been about feminism, and I am not "heroic" King Richard back from murdering innocent Muslamics, and I am not Scottish. But. Thanks to the powers of your betwitching editrix, I have indeed returned. So you should come out to celebrate uteruses and Wonkette tonight at this shindig in NYC.

I have really missed you.

Here are your basic details:

When: Monday, April 16 at 8 p.m.

Where: Highline Ballroom, 431 West 16th St., New York City

What: 5th Annual Roe on the Rocks Benefit for Planned Parenthood NYC

How Much Do I Pay: $30 or $75 if you want to do a meet and greet with me and get champagne, you nuts!

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And now for some very serious TUT TUTTING! It's time again for Republicans to make sad words about President Treason McTraitorpants selling out the country. This time they are seriously concerned, nay even deeply troubled, that Donald Trump would stand next to Vladimir Putin and pretend the Russians didn't hack the 2016 election. These patriotic Republicans are shocked, SHOCKED! Well, not, like, upset enough to do anything about it -- not with a fascist carpooler to jam into the Supreme Court. But they've got tweets, so it's all good!

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Republicans are in a pickle. Midterms are coming up and the party in the White House usually loses seats in those elections. It doesn't help their chances that their guy Donald Trump frolics through fields holding hands with self-made Russian dictator and coincidental poisoner Vladimir Putin, who our own justice department believes attacked our mostly free elections and our true national monument, the Internet.

If you're as old as I am, you'll recall that back in the 1980s, the whole Republican brand involved not trusting the Ruskies, and they were especially disappointed when Kevin Costner turned out to be one in No Way Out. Now, the current Republican president is talking like some kind of crazy commie lib, bashing the FBI and giving the benefit of the doubt to a former KGB agent. During an interview Sunday where he wore a hat with "USA" in big letters on it, presumably so someone could easily return him if he got lost on the field trip, Trump went so far as to call the European Union a "foe" of his country, which if you believe his hat is supposedly the United States not Russia.

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