Sarah Palin Dumbsplains To Lamestream Media That 'A Plastic Jewish Family' Is The Reason For The Season
Terrible news from the frontlines of the War on People Who Refuse to Believe There is a War on Christmas Because There Is Not Actually a War on Christmas.
Apparently, according to Sarah Palin, who knows all about it because she hired someone to ghostwrite a book for her on this very subject, lawyered-up atheists and the lamestream media are trying to abort Jesus. Plus also too something about Thomas Jefferson:
Palin said Jefferson would likely agree that secularists had set their sights on destroying the religious themes in Christmas celebrations.
“He would recognize those who would want to try to ignore that Jesus is the reason for the season, those who would want to try to abort Christ from Christmas,” she said. “He would recognize that, for the most part, these are angry atheists armed with an attorney. They are not the majority of Americans.”
Palin said there was a double standard that protected atheists at the expense of the religious.
“Why is it they get to claim some offense taken when they see a plastic Jewish family on somebody’s lawn -- a nativity scene, that’s basically what it is right?” she said. “Oh, they take such offense, though. They say that it physically even can hurt them and mentally it distresses them so they sue, right?”
Yup, Thomas Jefferson, "having spent his summers here, having spent influential years here, two miles away from Liberty University," (founded by Jerry Falwell in 1971, but pffft, details) would probably definitely agree with everything Sarah Palin says. You just can't argue with an airtight fact like that.
And besides, Christmas is really about how one little plastic Jewish baby became a Real Boy, so what kind of asshole could have a problem with that? (Hint: no kind, actually, because if you want to tacky up your own private lawn with plastic figurines, go for it, that's your private property, and what some people have an issue with is using taxpayer money to tacky up public property, which is an entirely different matter, but again, pffft, details.) Besides, Palin's defense of the "heart of Christmas" is actually about loving the Jews. The plastic kind anyway. Really! In fact, she keeps a menorah on display in her home throughout the month of December, just like all Jews don't do because that's not how the menorah thing works, but whatever. Also, something about John Adams because why not:
“If you lose that foundation, John Adams was implicitly warning us, then we will not follow our constitution, there will be no reason to follow our constitution because it is a moral and religious people who understand that there is something greater than self, we are to live selflessly, and we are to be held accountable by our creator, so that is what our constitution is based on, so those revisionists, those in the lamestream media, especially, who would want to ignore what our founders actually thought, felt and wrote about in our charters of liberty -- well, that’s why I call them the lamestream media,” Palin said.
Yup, that is one very sound argument for, um, not aborting plastic Jesus and also for buying Sarah Palin's book, which is, let's face it, the real reason for the season also.