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Sarah Palin Emerges From Hole, Sees Her Shadow, Says 'WTF'

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  • Have you been very worried about Alaska's exurban fame monster Sarah Palin? Don't worry! She crawled out of her winter den and saw her reflection in Greta Van Susteren's plastic jaw, so this means we'll have six thousand years of nuclear winter once Palin winds up becoming president (of the Breakaway Republic of Wasilla) in 2012. What did Palin think of Barack Obama's popular centrist State of the Union speech? It's impossible to tell, based on the words falling so loosely from her lips, but she did prove she also doesn't know how to say the old Internet term "WTF," which is pronounced "What the Fuck?" (She just spoke the letters, which is a blood libel against Fuck.) Oh yeah, we've got the video! And yeah, the Snowbilly is definitely in her "Fat Elvis" final days of narcotic confusion. [Media Matters]

  • And in the real world of actual news very far away from Sarah Palin's teevee studio in her McMansion, the Egyptian protests are now in their third very heavy day, with the streets filled with police smashing the skulls of the youth. At least six people have been killed so far, the Egyptian stock market is collapsing as investors bet on the protesters actually toppling Mubarak, and Nobel peace prize winner/pro-democracy advocate Mohammed ElBaradei has suddenly appeared in Cairo as a potential successor to Ol' Hosni. [CBC]

  • Did Barack Obama plagiarize something in his speech? OMG it was filled with political cliches, and other politicians have used political cliches, so YES, GUILTY, we have NOT won the future, YOU GET NOTHING. [LAT]
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Donald Trump held another great big slob picnic in Orlando, Florida, last night, where he "announced" the "start" of his 2020 campaign, which will be exactly like his 2016 campaign except for the minor detail that he's actually been in the White House since 2017, which is really a bummer, man. Still, it's no reason he can't run as an outsider who vows to protect everyday Americans who believe he's just like them. The rally was a mishmash of the same damn shit he's said a million times before, and the rubes loved almost every minute of it except for the boring parts when he talked about stuff he's supposedly achieved in office, because not even his supporters care about trade policy or tariffs. They want an enemy, and they want to be told they and Trump will destroy that enemy together because they are the real Americans. So that's what Trump gave them, again and again, a feast of fear and resentment designed to get them to the polls. It was enough in 2016, and Trump thinks it'll do the job in 2020.

If there was anything new in the speech -- which was mostly Trump reading from a teleprompter, plus the expected weirdass asides -- nobody has identified it. He complained about the press and the crowd chanted "CNN sucks," and he explained what a threat to the nation Hillary Clinton is -- in fact, he mentioned her eight times during the 80-minute rant.

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Spinal Tap - Gimme Some Money

Some dick is suing your Wonkette! If you are able, will you please send money?

1. Pick "just once" or "monthly."

2. Pick an amount, like say "all of the money."

3. Click "paypal" if you are paypal or "stripe" if you are not paypal.

4. MONEY.

5. Carry on with your day, and with new posts below!

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