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Sarah Palin Is Boycotting Bristol and Levi's Storybook Camo Wedding

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Famous playwright Sarah Palin's daughter Bristol announced last week that true love does exist as she and Levi Johnston are getting married next month. But it appears Sarah Palin has chosen tragedy andwill not be attending this solemn ceremony, according to a "family friend." Will Bristol and Levi be completely disowned by the Palin clan and no longer be eligible for the co-presidency? Will Sarah sell her prized Trig back to his real mother? SO MANY QUESTIONS.


"It's going to be the wedding of the century in Alaska. Our version of Princess Diana and Prince Charles' wedding," a Palin family friend told me with a straight face. "Everyone would kill to get an invite even if it means having to buy them an expensive gift. It's just too bad that her mother has refused to attend. Although I can't say I blame her after everything that boy has put her through."

Even if it means having to buy them an expensive gift! Wow! That must be a major event, to spend money on those two.

Bristol and Levi are not even asking for money from her parents for their wedding! (As it is being paid for by a gossip magazine? Well, let's hope. Otherwise, those will be some depressing photos.) And they do not even want a gift. A gift! Gifts are the most important part about entering into a union with another person for the rest of your life, as we learn from this family friend.

But, folks, we have a hero:

"With or without Sarah, Todd will be walking his daughter down the aisle," the friend says. "He has been looking forward to this day ever since Bristol was a little girl and wouldn't miss it for anything or anyone."

Aww, Todd is going to put her on his sled and mush her to the altar! Adorable. Almost as adorable as Levi and Tripp's matching camo vests will be.

But why is Sarah Palin being so evil about this? You need to forgive Levi, Sarah. Because if you let the little things get to you, you will miss a whole lot of life, an old lady probably said in a movie one time. What will be the next event she boycotts? Her presidential inauguration? The grand opening of the Sarah Palin Six-Term-Presidential Library and Moose Petroleum Institute? THE RAPTURE?

THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU ARE DOING TO THESE KIDS, SARAH. Look, Team Sarah is down, probably because of evil Wonketters. THIS IS A BAD OMEN. [PopEater]

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