Sarah Palin Likes Her Men Dumb And Drunk, Like Donald Trump
She explained this to the Greta Van Susteren lady on the Fox News, because we guess she isn't yet so completely overburdened with her new job that she can't stop by and give Gret-Gret a little Alaskan reacharound. She was commenting on Trump's newfound support for repealing birthright citizenship, and man oh man, if you ever were looking for Palin-ese distilled to its purest form, this is it, baby. Will Donald Trump be able to get the Messicans to build him a wall?
Heck yeah it's possible! And his immigration policy and these comments and plans of his that most Americans, I believe, have been thinking, just not being able to say because we don't have a microphone like he does...
You don't, Governor Word Salad? OK, now tell us about how Trump is so "big picture," and also simultaneously detail-oriented:
Well he's talking big picture, of course, plus specifics, thankfully, more specifics than any other candidate, by the way, so it'll be great to hear all 16, 17 of them reveal THEIR plans that would trump Trump's [Ed. HA HA!]. I think that's gonna be kinda tough to do though!
We interrupt this very important transcription to bring you a breaking screengrab from the interview:
Palin then says some things about how concerned she is about the Messicans taking jobs from the "young black men," because those are her people, but fuck that, let's skip forward. What about the sweet Messican babbies, Sarah Palin, you LOVE babies!
Well, see, and the argument about "It's for the children" will be used over and over again to kinda portray probably all Republicans as being heartless, and nothing could be further from the truth! You know, a plank in our platform is "pro-family," and a family is a unit! And I believe what Mr. Trump and probably the other Republican candidates ... what they're saying is yeah, a family is a unit, and if their parents broke the law, and if they're here illegally, well, they need to get back in line, and because family is a unit, Greta! The family sticks together, and the kids have to get in line with their mom and dad!
Fuck those kids, because their Traditional Mexican-married parents are common criminals, probably the same rapists who are after Donald Trump, and even Mexican parents don't like it when the kids get away from them in the grocery store, so they sure wouldn't like it for them to disappear from the deportation line, I'm Sarah Palin and I approve this message!
The blouse really complements her derp.
All right, let's close this fucker down with one more quote, which, as we said, is the most purely distilled Palin we've ever seen, about how Trump is just an everyday Joe Six-Pack idiot, who happens to be the richest man in the world, except for all the people who are richer than he is:
He is the best thing to happen to the permanent political class since, oh I guess, the beauty of the Tea Party genuine movement rose up and shined light on crony capitalism and pulled the rug right out from under status quo politicians who just, you know, kind of embrace that kind of permanent political class.
Donald Trump, he’s got these Joe Six-Pack issues on his mind, and he’s got these Joe Six-Pack common sense solutions — he just happens to be an extremely successful and charismatic, with a very large platform, Joe Six-Pack.
Tea Party Genuine Movement, y'all. They're not just teabaggers, they're GENUINE teabaggers, and they've got those Joe Six-Pack issues on their minds, and they really like a large platform (YOOOOOGE), and lastly and most importantly, Joe Six-Pack.
Palin's still got it, y'all. Nobody drunk-yammers like that woman, except her new husband Donald Trump maybe. MAN, she wants to be his running mate.
Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.
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