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Hi Sarah, we have missed you!


Sarah Palin is every bit as much of a Donald Trump-loving lady as Ann Coulter, who continues to have the vapors over Trump's suggestion that maybe we don't have to deport all the Mexicans who ever lived. But we haven't heard much from Sarah lately, due to we think she has probably been dealing with some family issues. Or maybe she's been working on a new side-grift that's even more grift-tastic than that Bible she wroted all by herself.

The point is she picked up the telephone Thursday night to call her old pal "The O'Reilly Factor," to make some word salad into Eric Bolling's earhole about Trump's latest willy-nilly moose-hockey on immigration. (Bolling is substitute-teaching for Bill O'Reilly right now.) Let's catch up with our old pal, Captain Numbnuts:

Well, uh, candidate Trump didn't garner, uh, a lot of enthusiastic support by being soft on anything, but by having a steel spine and doing what he knows the majority of Americans want, and that is to put a stop to illegal immigration. Donald Trump understands that enforcing the laws and building that wall are paramount to what the will of the people is, and thank God, he's still preachin' that! Because if he were not, there would be a huge erosion of support.

See? It's still OK. Trump will still build the wall, he's just getting more nuanced on how many people he's going to catapult over the top of it, down there to Mexico.

But what about the whole "shamnesty" thing, for people who are already here? Isn't Sarah worried about that? What must we do about them, Sarah Palin?

Well, we have to quit incentivizing those who are here illegally, keeping them here, by not employing them, not giving them free healthcare, free college, free phones, free Happy Meals, free anything!

Illegal immigrants have it so fucking easy. They live in a Bernie Sanders paradise with free EVERYTHING, and also they get complimentary Mickey D's! Sarah actually referred to illegal immigration later in the interview as "comin' on over and gettin' their freebees." Really.

Does Sarah wish Trump would go back to his deport 'em all plan, instead of this whole "softening" thing?

There is such an incentive to keep people here who are here, they are here, they have trespassed illegally! And Trump really needs to focus on that, is the disincentive that must be put into play, in order for these people to not be here, and no, softening on the position of illegal immigration isn't going to win over any supporters, more importantly though, it's not going to help our nation, not at all!

We think she means he should deport everybody, but our Palin-to-English translator is on the fritz. This woman could have been next in line to the presidency, y'all.

Sarah says it's all OK though, no matter what Trump says about immigration, because we have to do our "ABC's," by which she does not mean the alphabet soup she uses to construct her sentences, but rather "Anybody But Clinton," because Hillary will be so much worse.

[wonkbar]<a href="http://wonkette.com/605251/can-somebody-please-give-sean-hannity-a-pacifier-or-a-buttplug-for-his-mouth"></a>[/wonkbar]Meanwhile, lying in the back seat of an Uber somewhere in Manhattan (allegedly), Ann Coulter was still fuming over Trump's flippity-floppity on deporting all the immigrants, so she told the driver to carry her into the arms of HER old friend Sean "The Trump Buttplug Lives In My Mouth" Hannity, to cry some more about the pain she is currently enduring. Which phase of grief is she in? Denial, baby, denial:

You know, as for this idea that even if Trump believed -- and look, I think he made a mistake in the things he said to you. He was using the catch phrase, "oh, and I have a glossary here for all the euphemisms for supporting amnesty," claiming they'll pay back taxes is one of them. No citizenship is another one. These are all the Marco Rubio cliches used to push the "Gang of Eight" bill. And even -- look, I don't think that's true. I think it's stupid because all Trump is doing is demoralizing his base. The never -- the people who hate him still hate him, but now they can call him a flip-flopper. Way to go, whoever told Trump to say that.

Yeah, WAY TO GO. Now Ann is going to have to stay home by herself this weekend and be sad again, just like she does every weekend, wondering whether her boyfriend Trump ever TRULY loved to hate Mexicans, or whether he was just saying that to get her to write nice stuff about him.

Bah humbug.

[The Hill / Media Matters]

 

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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