Oh, Sarah Palin, How We've Missed Your Crazy Talking, Dumbass Self
Hey, what do you know? Sarah Palin's emerged from her spider hole. In case you've blissfully forgotten, Palin is the former governor of Alaska who Republicans like to blame for why Meghan McCain's father, John, lost to a black guy. I think she gets a bad rap. It's not like Republicans learned their lesson and nominated another war hero related somehow to Megs McCabe but unencumbered by a narcissistic simpleton as a running mate. No, they doubled down and put Donald Trump at the top of the ticket. The modern, know-nothing, insult comic GOP is the party of Palin not Lincoln or even Reagan.
Palin was a guest on "Good Morning Britain!" the morning show hosted by Piers Morgan, the living embodiment of "what's that on my thigh? I should have a doctor look at it." He asked Palin about the Frontline documentary A Serial Liar, and that was a little awkward because the title refers directly to her. It's like if someone asked me about the upcoming documentary Middle-Aged Flabby Black Man. It's all you can do not to cry on air. Palin kept what amounts for her composure when Morgan read a quote from former Republican strategist Steve Schmidt. Schmidt's the guy who once met Palin and thought she should be an elderly man's heartbeat away from the presidency.
SCHMIDT: She is the first of a generation of politicians who live in a post-truth environment. She was, and there's no polite way to say it, but, a serial liar.
When Morgan asked Palin what she thought about Schmidt blaming her for everything that's wrong with today's Republican Party, she hit back hard on the man who'll have to answer to his God for introducing her to the American public.
PALIN: Well, first, hey Steve Schmidt, I mean, kettle, uh, meet pot. No, Steve Schmidt, of all people to accuse someone of nefarious deeds or outright lying.
God, I've missed her so much. Palin took a stab at Schmidt's credibility and pointed out that he was the top strategist on John McCain's campaign, which she said was "a failure." She might not remember herself anymore, but she was a key figure in that campaign. She insists that she's not the titular "serial liar." Schmidt's the serial liar! She asked viewers to "do their homework" and uncover who was the actual liar and who's not ... someone who lies.
PALIN: I'd be curious if he gave any examples of how I've lied. But then I'm not gonna waste my time on the guy.
Unfortunately, Susanna Reid had done her homework and provided examples. There were so many! Palin told Katie Couric that she'd been involved in trade missions with Russia but she'd never even met Russian officials. At one point, Palin asked Reid, "Keep going! Keep going, Susanna!" The interview did not improve from there. Someone in the studio laughed when Palin just started cycling through her own catch phrases: "I know energy! Energy is my baby! Drill, baby, drill!"
Morgan compared Palin to Trump as an example of a polarizing politician who's a "laughingstock" on the "coasts" where all the gays and minorities are but is beloved in "middle America." Palin lamented the cultural divide.
PALIN: There is a divide, absolutely, and that's a shame because DIVIDED WE FALL. And UNITED is where we need to be in order to STAND in this volatile world that we're in. But what Donald Trump has and what I have is a connectivity to the PEOPLE, just hard-working Americans who are out there just running their businesses, raising their kids, not all obsessed with "inside baseball politics" ...
She went on like this for a while.
PALIN: We just want government off her backs. We want to fight for our freedom. We're gonna elect people like Donald Trump, who promise and produce that freedom fighting that we expect.
Morgan asked Palin about Trump's "inflammatory rhetoric." Like many conservatives, Morgan wondered if she thought Trump should cut back on all the mean tweets so people would let him lock up kids and extort foreign nations in peace. Palin's response was what you'd expect if -- unlike Sarah Palin herself -- you've paid attention to anything she's said over the past decade.
PALIN: Carry on! More power to him because he's getting done what we expected of him. Imagine that! A politician who is actually governing as he campaigned... What we appreciate about Donald Trump is that he's not a typical politician with his finger to the wind. No, he's DIRECTING THE WIND.
Thank you, Sarah Palin, for never failing to deliver the banana pants mic drop.
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Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Portland, Oregon. He's on the board of the Portland Playhouse theater and writes for the immersive theater Cafe Nordo in Seattle. Tickets are on sale now for his latest Nordo collaboration, "Curiouser and Curiouser," an adaptation of "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland" and "Through the Looking Glass." It promises to feel like an actual evening with SER (for good or for ill).