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Sarah Palin: The Presidential TeeVee Candidate America Deserves

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  • Sarah Palin took a five minute break from her pre-scripted reality teevee existence to go on a different teevee show, so that she could tell Barbara Walters that it would be so easy for her to "defeat Barack Obama." And then Barbara Walters probably had to ask, "Really? In a presidential election? I'm not talking about teevee ratings, you fucking idiot." (Barbara Walters is old and doesn't realize how similar "teevee ratings" and "running for president" actually are.) Everybody is so surprised that Sarah Palin would consider quitting her Alaskan teevee show to run for president, because "quitting" is not a word Sarah Palin uses, on Twitter. Perhaps even more surprising is that Sarah Palin would abandon her simple, snowbilly lifestyle so that she could drag her family around the United States and smile and wave at mobs of flag-waving, scooter-powered vegetables. (Ha ha, if Sarah Palin actually believed that true happiness is "kayaking with feral Grizzly bears on a melting Alaskan ice glacier," she wouldn't have Hollywood camera people following her around, fawning over her and her dumb family.) Lisa Murkowski recently pointed out that Sarah Palin lacks "intellectual curiosity," which is exactly why Palin should be our next president: Americans know that their Time is long over. Now we just want to hide in our condos, and experience a National Reality Teevee Fantasy in which we are Exceptional and can robot-bomb whomever we wish. If it's good Television, it's good for America. Good morning! [The Caucus]
  • Barack Obama is awarding George H. W. Bush the Medal of Freedom, the end. [The Caucus]


  • Experts agree: Murkowski wins! Even Dipshit Magoo Fred Thompson says that Joe Miller should stop being such a stubborn whineocerous and just concede already. He won't, of course. [CNN]

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The great journalists at the National Enquirer regularly sent advance digital copies of stories about Donald Trump and his political opponents to Michael Cohen, according to a story in the Washington Post, which cited "three people with knowledge of the matter" as sources. Probably Trump was one of them, you know how he is.

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Times have been tough for those Trump supporters who are fine with his rampant bigotry but are discovering he's going to screw them like any number of non-wife-like women he totally swears he's never met.

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