Sarah Palin Threatens Senate Run If Obamacare Isn't Defunded
Sarah Palin's ghostwriter really liked that"forget Syria, let's bomb Obamacare" metaphor a couple weeks back, so they must have figured, why let it go? That's our best guess at how we got this Breitbart column "by" Sarah Palin titled "Bombs Away on Obamacare; Cruz Is over the Target" (be warned -- auto-play video at link). And in fact, Palin is so enamored of the Canadian Anchor Babby that she said on Fox News Sunday that she may just have to run for Senate so Cruz "has some reinforcements." Sure you might run, Sarah. You and Donald Trump, maybe.
Palin's Breitbart thing is the usual mess of talking points: Republicans don't want to shut down the government, but Obama is so attached to that lawfully enacted, SCOTUS-approved healthcare law that he may just make them shut down the government, even though Americans hate that law so much that they re-elected Obama and not the guy who promised he'd repeal it. And worse, the "Washington Insiders" of the Republican party aren't all committed to Cruz's suicide mission!
If the Senate doesn’t get behind Ted Cruz’s efforts to defund Obamacare, it won’t be because of any failure on Ted’s part. It’ll be because there weren’t enough principled leaders to stand with him, and that would be a tragic loss, not for Ted, but for America.
And worse, all sorts of "anonymous sources" in the GOP are undercutting poor Senator Cruz, which Professional Victim Sarah Palin really identifies with:
Welcome to our world, Ted. The same people have been denouncing conservatives like me for years (right after they ask for help fundraising for themselves or endorsing the latest candidate they’ve suckered into paying their exorbitant consulting fees). We can compare shiv marks next time we meet, my friend.
We're kind of wondering how anonymous sources hit people up for funds, but that was a whole paragraph before, so don't worry about it. Oh, by the way, SarahPac is still up and running, and Sarah is behind Ted Cruz 1000%! But anyway (PLEASE GIVE GENEROUSLY), Republicans should not be worried about the media's claims that Republicans will be blamed for shutting down the government, because the media always blames Republicans for everything. Just look at how the media has been so mean to ME, SARAH PALIN:
I want no pity. I need no empathy. But use me as a barometer. Over the years, the leftwing media has falsely and irrationally accused me of everything from faking a pregnancy to abetting murder. They lie. Deal with it.
Why, once Republicans shut down the government, Sarah Palin will probably find a way to find victimized by that, too.
"Palin" also urges Senate Republicans to "Ignore the peanut gallery pundits," and let us just say that this is maybe the best paragraph in the whole thing:
They’ve written my political obituary so many times, I’m practically Lazarus. Now they’re trying to destroy Ted Cruz. Good luck with that, you weasels. Texans are just as tough as Alaskans. Smaller, but just as tough.
Haw-haw, Ted Cruz is a runt or something. But don't worry if columnists make fun of you, just look at what a huge political success you can be -- JUST LIKE SARAH PALIN, who hasn't been in office since 2009, but keeps making tons of money and has the power to... uh... be published on Breitbart.
She closes with another of those "I am definitely only threatening to shoot you with a metaphorical bullet that will kill you metaphorically, so don't worry, I have you in my metaphorical gunsights" metaphors that are her stock in trade:
Oh, and a little reminder to Republican senators up for re-election in 2014: Moose season ends soon, allowing more time on one’s hands. So, we’ll be watching your votes very carefully this week.
In other Sarah Palin news, the Snowbilly Grifter refused to say one way or the other whether she would run against Mark Begich for Senate (she won't of course, but actually saying so would reduce donations):
“Ted Cruz and more of those good guys need some reinforcements in these midterm elections, to undo so much of what the Democrats are doing,” Palin said. “I don’t know if it’ll be me.”
“I think it really takes someone who has the stomach for the patience necessary to live and delve in that cesspool that is Washington, D.C., which is quite corrupt,” she continued. “I have young children, and I want to keep them nice and pure, if you will. And Washington, D.C. would be a very tough environment for them.”
Yeah, Sarah. Gotta protect your kids from the media circus, all right. Keep on fucking that grizzly.
Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.